132nd - Possessed Fingers

I'm well aware I sound like a complete asshole when I say things like this, but sometimes I really can't help myself. Yesterday, someone (I'm electing to not mention who) sent me a link to this blog, Desi Fashion Police. I was bored so I went and rifled through. Now, I know I should know better than to even bother and I should have just left the silly, bobble-headed, vapid cu*t (It's a horrible word to use, I know and if you're reading this, I'm sorry, I just can't think of a better word to describe you. My grasp on the English language isn't quite as refined as yours.) alone, but I couldn't help myself. I may have started a small flame-war. I'm sure she's a harmless and nice enough Desi girl. They all are. I tried being complementary, humble and snide at the same time. So yeah, check out her blog. I suspect you'll get a lot of fashion tips. Or you know, at least help me continue my flame war. For some reason I've been posting anonymously, which makes me seem like a girl. I shouldn't probably change that on my next blog. I should be willing to eat what I dish out.

This is going to sound a bit racist. I'm not gonna say it wasn't meant to be racist because it is. I'm just electing to say it anyway. Desi girls. Really, we love you. We all do. Really. You're beautiful and graceful and exotic (exotic to white people, not us. You're just one of us to us.) and all that. But seriously, your Ice-Queen percentage is staggeringly high. How can you you all be so up on yourselves when all you do is tear each other down? It makes no sense. There is no math to support this level of superiority.

This was said in a completely non-sexual context, just around the wrong people. "You have to use Vaseline and go slow." Iqbal and Mome were around to hear me say this. I have no idea what I was talking about. Maybe my latest stint in prison.

Also, peopel who like seeing bad things happen to me. I suspect that Desi Fashionista chick is one of them. Yesterday, I took a call from a friend and I got up to leave the room as the re were people in my room and after a step realized my legs were both completely numb and fell on my face. The people in the room, my lovely and caring siblings did nothing but laugh at me. They didn't even pause the damn show they were watching! I'm fine, by the way.

So, my Nokia n95 that I was all existed about didn't work out. I kept poking at the screen only to realize it wasn't a touch screen and the lack of full keyboard drove me up the wall. Also, I had already sold my iPhone so I had to get a phone. I have the white iPhone now. I miss my old 1st Gen one. It was nicer but I had already sold it. Which brings me to this, I dislike people who make "offers" when you've already mentioned your lowest price and have declared no bargaining. Awful . How the hell do you offer someone almost half of what the asked for with a straight face. I think I'm going to go for he Nokia 5800 when it comes out. Any suggestions?

Seriously, go read that blog.

zQ

131st - Don't Kill Obama!

I read somewhere that leading up to the election, the Secret Service had already investigated some five hundred threats against Obama. Also, I'm sure I wasn't the only one who sighed a breath of relief when we noticed the bullet-proof glass around the stage as he was giving his acceptance speech. Dad made an interesting comment. Despite the numerous death threats, Barack Obama is first president in a long time that people actually have faith and belief in. To the point that the people would protect him. I'm not saying they're going to form their own little militias and follow him about but more in the be willing to take a bullet for him way.

This brings me to this very important point. DON'T KILL BARACK OBAMA. ESPECIALLY IF you're a Muslim, or brown, or can be in any way mistaken for brown guy, or a mildly tanned white guy, or own a brown article of clothing, or have brownish friends. Seriously, we're the most hated people on the planet right now. Don't kill off the one person giving people hope. It won't end well for us. I'm not fu*king around, don't kill him.

zQ

130th - Genetic Defects: The Upside.

Begin by watching as much of this video as you possibly can. I'll understand if you don't make it past thirty seconds. Don't worry. It's not the Two Girls One Cup thing.

WHY? Why Scarlet? You were all hot and pretty and slutty, so I've been told by people. Girls mostly, so they could just be hating. Why the hell did you need to express your self, for lack of a better word, musically? WHY??? Just sit/stand around and look the way you do. That's all we've ever wanted from you. The fact that you're a great actress is HUGE bonus. Why did you have to try you hand at singing.

The only upside to this was that I feel a little better about my families hereditary crappy hearing abilities. I don't have those yet, but I don't dread that day as much anymore. I would have gone to jail for the things I would have done to you, but now I'll just get a slap on the wrist. You ruined everything.

I was at Staples a couple of days ago and I've decided to be complimented about this but this was the strangest compliment ever. I was paying for my Compressed Air Cans [more on that later] and the cashier was like, "You look bad today.", to which I responded, "I have feelings, you know.", to which she replied, "You normally are better cleaned up and dressed.", I said, "Oh." then I thought, I think this is a compliment of sorts?, to which she said, "You're slipping." I said, "I'll do better next time." Which brings us to the Compressed Air story.

So, on Wednesday, I ended up going to like eight different stores looking for Compressed Air to clean out this particularly nasty computer I was working on. Nobody seemed to carry it. I began to wonder if it was banned or something. Staples had some. So I asked them. Turns out there is some law about not selling it to people under 19. I found this out because I didn't have ID and the cashier was new and didn't know me. Eventually one who knew me saw came to my rescure. We had that conversation in the previous paragraph. Also, apparently, I look young. Seventeen-young. So, yes, you can't sell compressed air cans to peoples under the age of 19 [so a lot of shops stopped bothering to carry it to avoid the hassle] because - wait for it - The dumb shits have been SNIFFING to get high. IT'S FIFTEEN BUCKS A CAN!! DRUGS ARE CHEAPER!! And as it turns out, more readily available. I looked more into this. It'll actually cause mutations with any kids you have, so drugs are slightly safer as well. WTF!! Any asshat who's been sniffing compressed air, don't procreate. Not because I care abuot your offspring, but you'll birth more asshats like yourself who'll cause me 10 minute delays at stores having to show ID for fu*king compressed air. Dumbshits.

Also, the Nokia N95. I has it. No more iPhone.


zQ

129th - The Television Blog

For someone who never watches television, I do watch a lot of TV shows. The last time I sat in front of the TV was at Momin's house on Sunday and we watched part of a football game and part of some fighting show. Then Momin fell asleep mid-sentence, twice, during the same sentence. So I decided it would be a good idea to go home. I think old age has finally caught up to him.

So, here's a useless breakdown of the shows that I watch. Also, you'll forgive me if I put "shoes" instead of "shows". It's become a bad sort of habit I can't seem to break. I'm going in alphabetical order.

Yes, before you comment. Today's pictures are of an Eye-Candy nature. Ladies, I didn't forget about you. In fact, we'll start with something for you people.

30 Rock. I started watching this about two months ago and ended up watching all of it. Tina Fey is really damned funny but Alec Baldwin makes the show.
[setup: Devon is gay.]
Devon: You're going down, Jack.
Jack: No, Devon. I don't do that.

Photo [below] - Here you go ladies. Frank dress like a slutty sailor.
Big Bang Theory: I really didn't think this show would make it to a second season, but it did. It's about power dorks and one hot chick. It's the chick from 8 Simple Rules. The blond one. It turns out that combination works. There's a breakup in that show over different opinions of String Theory and Quantum Gravity. Like I said, super dorky but surprisingly funny.

Photo [below] - Four Flashes!! That about wraps it up for the chicks.


Dexter: It's based on a book by Jeff Lindsay, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, about a likable forensics expert who also happens to be a serial killer. It's pretty good except I feel there are way too many coincidences. People who like Smallville but feel they're a bit old for it and would prefer something more serious/dark and not Clark Kent: The Douchebag years, will like Dexter. Also, the sister is strangely attractive. Don't give me shit over this Caboose, I said, "STRANGELY".


Note - I just realized, I do horrible sales for TV shows that I supposedly like.

Entourage: Is cool because it's pretty much every boy's fantasy life. Whether they choose to admit it or not. Plus, Ari Gold, the evil agent and his assistant Llyod who is Asian and super gay. He drives a riced up Hundai Tiburon. Plus, lots of hot chicks. Plus, Alba. Plus, Emanuel Chriqui. Nothing more needs to be said past Emanuel Chriqui. I don't get the deal with her name. Nonetheless, we like.





Grey's Anatomy: I have no idea why I watch this show. Seriously, with the exception of Katherine Heigl [Izzy], the remaining good looking people on the show are all dudes. As in all the guys in the show are good looking [and not in the Sixth-is-a-Homo way. If you ever watch an episode of the show, you'll see it.] and there is one good looking chick, who is, unfortunately, crazy. In the bad way. I think somewhere down the line, I can blame Shivali for me watching this show. I can probably also blame Asmar and that Heigl Chick.




Heroes: I don't actually watch this show yet. I'm starting to try to watch it. I've made it about three episodes into the first season and I keep falling asleep. But people keep telling me it's good and not just a blatant rip-off of the X-Men. I'm trying. I am curious about the chick whose reflection is always half a second behind. I wonder where that's leading to. Also, I wonder if that's where the idea for that Mirrors movie came. Did anyone see that movie?




House: House is awesome. Mainly because of his tiny hissy fit about candy canes. It is, unfortunately pretty formulaic in the beginning. It gradually starts to pull away from that but never quite gets there. After the first season, you stop caring about the medicine aspects and just kind of want to forward through, but can't. Still a good show and Lisa Edelstein, who plays House's boss looks like Caterina Murino, which is always amusing. You know, upon looking closer at those two photos, I may have been on something when I thought that statement.

How I met your Mother: This is probably my favorite show on television right now. It's all sorts of awesome. The characters are all likable minus one, it's funny as hell, Bob Saget is that dad. What more do you want? Also, the awesomest part of the awesomest show: Slap-Bet. However, just like Scrubs, I really don't like the main character, Ted all that much. Yes, he's funny, etc but he's just not very likable to me. Barney on the other hand is Legen-wait for it-Dary! Yes, it's tacky but I had to. Did you really, brother? I did. Allison Hannigan is good too.

The Office: Dwight scares me a little. We all know why the show is good. I can't really think of any reasons. My mind has frozen on Dwight biting into a beet. I'm not sure I've ever had a beet. I'm not entirely sure what a beet is. I'm imagining turnips. Like I said, Dwight scares me a bit. Creed is my favorite character.






Scrubs: This is one of my favorite shows on television, except that it's actually not on television right now. It's coming back on January or February, which sucks. It is friggin hilarious though. Plus the janitor is insane. If you had to pick one show to watch, it should be this one. WATCH THIS ONE. I pretty much love every character on the show, minus JD. He's funny and all but he's so needy and his woman parts are bigger than his boy parts. Incidently, he's had pretty much all really hot girl friends.


I'm sure since you're so clever and everything, you may have figured out this blog is really just filler because I'm trying to blog at least once a week. It's harder than you think. Still, we did try to make it a good one.

Smallville: Why the hell do I watch this show? I have no idea. It's so bad. It has moments where it seems like it's going to get good and then Lana shows her mousey face and ruins it all. Why can't she just die. Originally, I started watching this because my family and friends were all watching it. Last time they all bang-wagoned like this, was for Dawson's. Seriously, things were scheduled around Dawson's Creek. So, in a sad attempt to not be excluded I started watching Smallville. It started off all formulaic, which is fine but it always gave hope of something bigger abut to happen. By the time I realized it wasn't going to happen, I was already five seasons in and now I'm just riding it out till the end. Luckily, the WB will not be doing the Graysons after Smallville is over this year. They'll find some other DC license to ruin.

So you think you can Dance: I know I'm not a very rhythmically talented person but still, it's a good show. Plus hot dancer [synonymous with bendy] chicks. You can't really go wrong with that. Also, Kat Deely hosts.

Not to fear. While typing this out, I came up with an idea for an actual blog and will be posting that shortly. So, no need to be overly pissed about this filler one.




Ugly Betty: I can't remember why I started watching this show but I do watch it now and I like it. I blame Nadia. Although I haven't seen most of season 2. I should get on that. Anyway, evil fashion people. The characters Amanda and Mark make the show.

128th - Costumes.

NOTE - I didn't put photos up because I wasn't sure how people would feel about being used as examples. See, I was considerate!

Caboose made a good point. I decided to expand on it a bit. Feel free to agree or Disagree.

People who dress up as other cultures for Halloween are kinda racist. If you dress up like something specific from a culture - A Geisha or a Samurai or a Mountie or a Mujra Dancer or Saadhus or whatever - that's one thing. However, when you put on one of those big straw hats and say, "I'm Chinese!" or put on a Keffiyeh and now you're an Arab, you just look like an asshole.

Has to be said. If you're going to be a terrorist for Halloween, the Dynamite is part of the costume, the brown clothes isn't. That's you being racist. Unless you're dressing up as a known terrorist - You know, Osama Bin Laden or Ted Kazinsky [generally not seen in brown clothes] - and the clothing and props direct towards his/her identity, not just their race, then it's fine.

A few mintues ago, I was talking to Shiv about this and she mentioned something I was going to touch up on: The Whore trend.

"Well..Halloween is supposed to be [traditionally] scary and gorey so if you're dressed as a Playboy Bunny...guess what... you're just telling the world that you're a fright when trying to be sexy. So either you think you're THAT unattractive when you're a slutty nurse...that the whole world will be scared of u when u step out that night"

Don't get me wrong. We definitely appreciate the steps girls take to look like complete whores on Halloween but really, when did Halloween become whore-fest? Some of you won't even bother with a costume theme other than Whore. Again, ours hats off to you, but really, you can do that any day, Halloween is not a Get-out-of-Jail free card. If you dress all proper all year and slut-up on Halloween, yeah, you're gonna get labeled a whore. Before anyone brings up the, Just-because-I-dress-a-certain-way-doesn't-make-me-a-Whore or the, I-dress-like-this-to-feel-sexy-for-myself-not-for-you argument. Let me counter by saying this:

"Just because you dress like a slut doesn't mean you're a slut. And just because I act like a rapist doesn't mean I am a rapist."

That's actually a fairly wise thing to keep in mind all the time. Ladies especially. You have every right to dress however you please. However, when you go to a bar, dressed like a whore, don't be surprised or angry when you're treated like one. Also, if you ever hit me for no damn reason because you somehow felt it was your prerogative to do so, don't be surprised when I hit you back a hell lot harder. Harder just to prove a point. Guys. If you dress like douche-bags, we're going to think you're a douche-bag. Example. Multiple Polos with popped collars.

I worked this Halloween which sucks but that just meant my Halloween was on par with every other Halloween. However, I did get to drive home at 1am and these were the whorey highlights. 1 The Classic: Slutty Devil. 2 Left fielder: The Slutty Bee. 3 The Weird and Awkward: The Slutty Joker. Yes, out of the 25 or so Jokers [seriously, creativity people] there was a slutty one.

Costumes worth mentioning: The dude was dressed up as Naughty Twister. Asmar's Galadriel costume. That kid outside Brother Andre HS dressed like a Clone Trooper.

The four guys in red thongs and not much else. That's not a costume! Also, slutty. Props for balancing it out, really. We could have just made this about whorey girls but you had to ruin it.

Another thing worth mentioning just because it should be mentioned. Most of us are adults and can dress up in costumers whenever we chose. We don't really need to wait for Halloween. We can do whatever we please.

And lastly. The guy I wanted to run over. DO NOT DRESS LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE FOR HALLOWEEN!! You're lucky there were cops all over the road. You don't see fu*king Jack-O-Lantern Nativity displays, do you?

zQ