123rd - A free penny

Don't say I didn't warn you.

- Premature Blogulation. Unplanned, random ass blog about nothing.

- I was meant to be a Mongol warlord. Genghis Kahn would be my pen pal. We'd exchange stories of our raping and pillaging. I would invent video recording devices.

- I promise to do my best to try and not use too many cuss words when I talk about you to my shrink or throw in stories about you killing puppies because their eyeballs are the secret ingredient in your cupcakes.

- My kind of Girl: The girly, pretty firebreathing hellbitch type.

- "Ass-Faggoty" and "Ass-Faggotry" are fun words.

- Shoppers Drug Mart: Shampoo, Conditioner, Body Wash, Toothpaste, Deodorant, One Loofah. 57.62. What the fu*k?!?! When did hygiene become so expensive. Why Shoppers Drug Mart? For the Optimum Points. Did I have my points card? No.

- That very pretty GTR I almost dry-humped the other day turned out to be my sister's boss's. Don't give me that look! You would have one leg up in the air before you realized what you were about to do too.

- "The bees are trying to have sex with the birds. As is my understanding." Hahaha

- I think Asians get the short end of the racism stick. Haha, "short end". I'm funny. Anyway, everyone is racist towards them in good ways. "You're good at math, aren't ya?" or, "They study hard and respect their parents."or my favorite [which links in nicely with the opening, "tiny and efficient." What do I get? "He's probably got a bomb strapped to his chest under that coat." or "I bet his house smells like Dosas." At least stuff about us is bad so when we do good stuff, people are surprised. When you guys do good stuff, people are completely indifferent about it. "You're Asian. What do you want, a medal?"

- Ink costs pennies a gallon! How the hell do these companies have the balls to charge fifty-two bucks for a plastic container with an ounce and a half of ink inside?!?! Theres a 128 ounces in a gallon! PENNIES!!

- I'm reprioritizing my priorities. I need to kill a hooker. Fast. I feel it's holding me back from the rest of my life. There's life to be had.

- If my brain was the way it is now when I was younger, just more reckless, I wouldn't have survived childhood. Several incidents would indicate I didn't. God Damnit!! They had me cloned! This explains why I'm the shortest one. Clones tend to not be as tall/big as the originals and I'm probably like the seventh or eighth one. Those graves in the family lot with my name on them are also a tipoff. I'm like Michelle's stupid goldfish. I'll never die. His name was Marten.

- I don't have OCD. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I just have the mild bit of OCD that everyone has. You know who has some serious OCD: The Joker.

- Gay people can call each other "homos" and "fags" because that's their thing. Black people can call each other "niggers" and its apparently cool. White people can call each other "cracker" and its cool. What terms do I have for my people that others can't use [well, shouldn't use]? "Camel Fu*ker' and "Turbanator"? What the hell, people? Come up with some better derogatory terms for us. Oh, there's also "dot-head" and "terrorist". Three of those don't even apply to my kind. Real creative. I demand some cleverer things to be offended about being called.

Now, by my math [I've already consulted with my Asian friends], I gave you one penny for free and provided you like $76.53 worth of thought. You owe me $76.52 and tips.


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