124th - 21 Problems

I tried to make a list of my problems, hoping to top Jay-Z and get to 100, but I saw something shiny and got distracted. Needless to say, I didn't make it to a hundred - I'm alright with it. The shiny object was most satisfyingly sparkley.

001. Bitches. You win Jay-Z, a bitch isn't your problem, but bitches are my problem. Dude, you're the only person on this planet who doesn't have bitch problems. Bitches have bitch problems. Gay dudes have bitch problems. Silk worms have bitch problems. You're a bastard.

002. I think the guy from the Offspring video, Pretty Fly is kinda cool. He has hydraulics on his car! HYDRAULICS!!

003. My laptop went to HP for repairs for a month and I forgot what it looked then until I got it back. I think I may have possibly actually perhaps felt a tiny twang of guilt about it.

004. In my mind, excessive/abusive amounts of physical activity solves most problems or at the very least makes you completely unaware of the repercussions.

005. I like to read webcomics about topics I'm really not into. I'm currently reading a webcomic about indie kids. I didn't even know what an indie kid was until I started reading it. Indie kids don't like My Chemical Romance. I don't either. Common Ground.

006. Something everyone can relate to. I'm broke. I earn steady monies and I'm broke most of the time. What the fu*k?!?

007. When I mention anything about my self-esteem, friends reply, "what self esteem?". This doesn't mix well with my gigantic ego.

008. I have pretty shit short term memory. Which admittedly is hilarious and convenient at times, but still is kind of a pain.

009. Once every few weeks, I lose my bed to my laundry. This time it's gotten out of hand. I've been sleeping on my floor for like a month now.

010. I can lie really damn well. I just don't feel compelled to all that often. I can also be really damn honest. I wish i was more compelled to lie about things.

011. Coffee, energy drinks etc. have no effect on me. No positive effect anyway. This could become a problem in the future when I need to stay awake.

012. I'm a pretty mild-mannered guy until it comes to people who can't park or who park like assholes. I have stickered, vandalized, had towed and called these "drivers" douche bags to their faces. If you drive, learn to park.

013. Related to above. I rage out in small doses. While driving or at people who wonder about Red Bull not being red, but pay not attention to the fact that no bulls are involved in its brewing process. This behavior sometimes leads to me having no reaction at things I should be pissed about.

014. Every few months, my dad says this thing to me in Farsi, which roughly translated means, "Be a dog, but don't be the youngest son." - It's what he was told when he was younger. I'm starting to believe him.

015. Never really been afraid of the dark. Been terrified of Ninjas and Clowns. Ninjas when I was younger; clowns now and forever.

016. I have a very constant and persistent need to know things. Doesn't matter what it's about. I would just rather know than not know.

017. Currently, there is a hoodie that I really want. It's kind of ugly, but in a cool way. Like Pharrell from N.E.R.D. It's 110 dollars but that's not the real issue. The problem is its from Aritzia.

018. I don't like to touch doorbells or bars of soap as both are disgusting.

019. Maturity: Knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom: Knowing you'll be an idiot in the future. Common Sense: Knowing to not be an idiot in the present. - I am truly mature and wise.

020. I need more guy friends.

21. Sometimes my endearingly misguided ways can quickly turn into disturbingly malicious, which isn't as much fun for everyone else. Still, fun for me. Sometimes half full is the best you can get.

Alright, screw it! Jay-Z wins. He's got way more problems than I do. Hope he chokes on one of them.


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