Go to the Shewee site for two minutes. I'll wait. Now we're all caught up.
Just wait. It's too soon to say, "What the fu*k?" just yet. It's being advertised by super feminists as a self-empowerment tool. Penis-envy much? Also, they mention whipping it out in line at the post office and relieving yourself because you know, men do that all the time. We just whip out our junk anytime we feel even a little anxious and just let loose. Really?
Now, I can agree this could be very handy to use in say, a public bathroom where you don't want to sit down on a STD infested, previously shat on seat. Yes, there is makes sense. However, do not for one second think that will eliminate the need to hover. Unless you don't mind getting wee on your shoes. The ability to aim is meaningless without pressure to get the pee there.
Here's another little observation, once you've used it. Especially say, in line at the post office. You are now in the possession of a plastic object that has been urinated through. In a bathroom, you can at least wash it off and put it somewhere out of the way like your tiny clutch. At the post office, not so much.
Boyfriends/Husbands/Bitches - I understand that your pockets are essentially an extension of her purse. My best friend is a girl, trust me, I understand. However, DO NOT under any circumstances be a carrier for the Shewee.
It's practical in a stupid, not-very-well-thought-out sort of way but how is this a female empowerment tool? It's a wannabe penis. At the most, its a urination-funnel tool. Wait - wouldn't a paper funnel work just as well? And you know, flushable. I'd hate to be the one who has to explain what that is to customs in a crowded airport.
Now you can say it.
zQ
December 16, 2008
December 10, 2008
135th - Daddy
My last blog was pretty short so I see no harm in blogging again so soon. This one is short too.
For anyone who's ever spoken to my dad on the phone, you've experienced one of these things. Probably all.
1. He calls you. You answer your phone.
You: Hello?
Dad: Who is this?
You: Uh, you called me.
2. He asks you a question. This conversation happened about forty-five seconds ago.
Dad: Which tire is flat?
Sixth: Front Left.
*click*
No, "Bye", or "Okay", or nothing.
3. He calls to tell you something.
You: Hello?
Dad: Who is this?
You: Uh, you called me.
Dad: I see. Well, you won the lottery. They left some tied up leprechauns here. I put them in your room.
You: Really? YE-
*click*
I can't wait to get to that stage where I just don't care. Not even a little.
zQ
p.s. Go read previous blog.
p.p.s. My html thing is still messed up. J, looking in you direction.
For anyone who's ever spoken to my dad on the phone, you've experienced one of these things. Probably all.
1. He calls you. You answer your phone.
You: Hello?
Dad: Who is this?
You: Uh, you called me.
2. He asks you a question. This conversation happened about forty-five seconds ago.
Dad: Which tire is flat?
Sixth: Front Left.
*click*
No, "Bye", or "Okay", or nothing.
3. He calls to tell you something.
You: Hello?
Dad: Who is this?
You: Uh, you called me.
Dad: I see. Well, you won the lottery. They left some tied up leprechauns here. I put them in your room.
You: Really? YE-
*click*
I can't wait to get to that stage where I just don't care. Not even a little.
zQ
p.s. Go read previous blog.
p.p.s. My html thing is still messed up. J, looking in you direction.
December 9, 2008
134th - Kamph um das Bett is OVER
After months of debating this with, well, mostly myselves, the battle for my bed is over. It's always covered in God forsaken laundry anyway, so I've decided that once my laundry is put away, which I think will happen this Saturday/Sunday after Shiv leaves, I'm removing my bed from my room. This will clear up space for more shelves.
I've been sleeping on my floor for the past couple of months anyway and it's not all that uncomfortable. I've been sleeping just fine. No back issues or anything to report.
Also, I feel this will help keep my room looking cleaner, which will delight my mother to no end. The only remaining problem is that I watch TV while lying in bed. And sleeping on the floor will present a height/angle issue. Once that is figured out, BURN IN HELL, BED!
zQ
I've been sleeping on my floor for the past couple of months anyway and it's not all that uncomfortable. I've been sleeping just fine. No back issues or anything to report.
Also, I feel this will help keep my room looking cleaner, which will delight my mother to no end. The only remaining problem is that I watch TV while lying in bed. And sleeping on the floor will present a height/angle issue. Once that is figured out, BURN IN HELL, BED!
zQ
December 3, 2008
133rd - I still haven't seen Quantum of Solace
Before I begin, so that chick I started my mini flame war with. Desi Fashionista managed to find my blog even though I was commenting anonymously, which yes, did make me seem like a girl. Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm impressed, or creeped out.
I woke up this morning overhearing some talkings happening in the hallway. I wondered about those talkings until my attention was diverted to the pain in my chest. Moments later, internal memory had booted up and I was reminded that I was yet again asleep on my floor. The chest pains were due to sleeping on my face. Nevertheless, the sounds were of my father and brother discussing politics, which is a great way to start the day. Get's the blood pumping. You feel energized and awake and don't give a damn about children crossing the streets to get to school. It doesn't matter. Whether later on in life or the front grill of my car, they're doomed. This got me thinking, my brother would be great in politics.
He's be at the debate while running for the office of Supreme Ruler of Everything, discussing his major stand. Which is using fifteen and three quarter gagillion dollars to create and distribute Megatron-like robots for the homeless, blond, blind, old, and otherwisse feeble. These robots would not only serve as aides, they would help against would-be attackers. They would also serve as Canada's defense system since fitting them with a hundred ss-18 missles and four thousand three-inch armor and force field piercing bullet rounds wasn't a huge additional cost. Plus, the prototype robot seems much happier having them than not having them.
At this point some reporter stands up and asks, "Sheryl Mackenzie, Toronto Bum. I just have one question. Are you, in fact, "fu*king" with us, in which case, Kudos and I win a fifty dollar bet with my sound guy or are you insane? Could you be specific on the type of insanity, please."
My brother responds with a rousing speech about how the bus drivers of Vancouver are the enemy and must be smote wherever they are. Intelligence reports suggest that a hella lot of them are posing at TTC operators. The reporter withdraws her question. More questions follow.
"Ben Gary the Third, FirstasLast Magazine. How do you plan to finance such a plan since this kind of money is only available in the United States and how does the United States feel about being replaced as Canada's defense system?" My brother responds with quick joke and then talks about eliminating Bollywood Cinema. All rejoice. The Americans would get over it.
My brother calls for the final question. A very serious looking woman with a navy power suit, matching horn rimming glasses with a fashionable yet sensible cord around her neck to ensure the safety and well being of her glasses during her bi-weekly triathlon stands up. She has a pad and a pen in her mouth so you know she means business. She introduces herself as the the Ally Bidness, Supreme Chancellor of Facts, Solid Facts Magazine and as Glinda, Magician Extraordinaire [weekends only] and as Seth Rompart, Femdom Dominatrix [by appointment only]. She hands out cards. She flips open her pad, scrolls through it. She "hmm"s and "ah"s and taps her pen on the pad as she does this. Then she looks up and without any warning explodes with a series of facts, accusations, belittlings, insults, truths, a joke [she is very good at what she did], history lessons, geographical facts, technological impossibilities of this project, the lunacy of it all, and more facts and statistics that would lead to this projects undeniable doom. She finishes with a triumphant smile. The sea of reporters was silent. Someone coughs. Tumbleweed tumbles across the stage. My brother, who seems far too composed for someone who just received that kind of blunt verbal trauma, clears his throat. He says, "Those are mere facts." The crowd stays silent, anticipating more. My brother said nothing. A few more seconds pass, a minute passes. Nobody spoke a work. A rat can be heard waddling through the ventilation pipe. The crowd explodes in applause. Not because the really approve of what just happened but because the tension was too thick and someone had to do something. Besides, mused Ben Gary to himself, what could it hurt.
My brother wins in a landslide and takes office immediately. He is the new Supreme Ruler of Everything. His opposition begrudgingly offer their congratulations. The fifteen and three quarter gagillion dollars are spent on the Megatron-life robots. As a safety measure the Three Laws of Robotics are applied. Weeks later they remove the laws since it works against the Defense System Bit. The removal of the laws costs around twenty-four gagillion dollars.
Years later, it turns out that the homeless, blond, blind, old, and otherwise feeble are actually part of a secret society bent on taking over Antartica. They steal the Megatron-Like robots and make their own nation in Antartica, Uncreative Namica. Their Tourism Flourishes, mostly due to their the beaches and penguin hunting. Eventually they run out of food and eat the Megatron-like robots to survive. The people of Uncreative Namica die of heat stroke.
My brother manages to recover the Robots. He becomes the greatest Supreme Ruler of Everything.
zQ
p.s. The moral of this story is, DON'T VOTE. You're an idiot. You fell for some stupid horse-shit speech concocted by my brother and decided this is the guy to vote for because he has a plan. You have no idea how to run a Hot Dog vendor stand, let alone a coutnry or the Universe or Everything. You shouldn't be voting.
p.p.s. Five bucks to whomever helps me fix that gap issue between my blog and the sidebar. I'm to lazy to look up HTML. It sounds as tedious and trying to figure out how to work a VCR.
I woke up this morning overhearing some talkings happening in the hallway. I wondered about those talkings until my attention was diverted to the pain in my chest. Moments later, internal memory had booted up and I was reminded that I was yet again asleep on my floor. The chest pains were due to sleeping on my face. Nevertheless, the sounds were of my father and brother discussing politics, which is a great way to start the day. Get's the blood pumping. You feel energized and awake and don't give a damn about children crossing the streets to get to school. It doesn't matter. Whether later on in life or the front grill of my car, they're doomed. This got me thinking, my brother would be great in politics.
He's be at the debate while running for the office of Supreme Ruler of Everything, discussing his major stand. Which is using fifteen and three quarter gagillion dollars to create and distribute Megatron-like robots for the homeless, blond, blind, old, and otherwisse feeble. These robots would not only serve as aides, they would help against would-be attackers. They would also serve as Canada's defense system since fitting them with a hundred ss-18 missles and four thousand three-inch armor and force field piercing bullet rounds wasn't a huge additional cost. Plus, the prototype robot seems much happier having them than not having them.
At this point some reporter stands up and asks, "Sheryl Mackenzie, Toronto Bum. I just have one question. Are you, in fact, "fu*king" with us, in which case, Kudos and I win a fifty dollar bet with my sound guy or are you insane? Could you be specific on the type of insanity, please."
My brother responds with a rousing speech about how the bus drivers of Vancouver are the enemy and must be smote wherever they are. Intelligence reports suggest that a hella lot of them are posing at TTC operators. The reporter withdraws her question. More questions follow.
"Ben Gary the Third, FirstasLast Magazine. How do you plan to finance such a plan since this kind of money is only available in the United States and how does the United States feel about being replaced as Canada's defense system?" My brother responds with quick joke and then talks about eliminating Bollywood Cinema. All rejoice. The Americans would get over it.
My brother calls for the final question. A very serious looking woman with a navy power suit, matching horn rimming glasses with a fashionable yet sensible cord around her neck to ensure the safety and well being of her glasses during her bi-weekly triathlon stands up. She has a pad and a pen in her mouth so you know she means business. She introduces herself as the the Ally Bidness, Supreme Chancellor of Facts, Solid Facts Magazine and as Glinda, Magician Extraordinaire [weekends only] and as Seth Rompart, Femdom Dominatrix [by appointment only]. She hands out cards. She flips open her pad, scrolls through it. She "hmm"s and "ah"s and taps her pen on the pad as she does this. Then she looks up and without any warning explodes with a series of facts, accusations, belittlings, insults, truths, a joke [she is very good at what she did], history lessons, geographical facts, technological impossibilities of this project, the lunacy of it all, and more facts and statistics that would lead to this projects undeniable doom. She finishes with a triumphant smile. The sea of reporters was silent. Someone coughs. Tumbleweed tumbles across the stage. My brother, who seems far too composed for someone who just received that kind of blunt verbal trauma, clears his throat. He says, "Those are mere facts." The crowd stays silent, anticipating more. My brother said nothing. A few more seconds pass, a minute passes. Nobody spoke a work. A rat can be heard waddling through the ventilation pipe. The crowd explodes in applause. Not because the really approve of what just happened but because the tension was too thick and someone had to do something. Besides, mused Ben Gary to himself, what could it hurt.
My brother wins in a landslide and takes office immediately. He is the new Supreme Ruler of Everything. His opposition begrudgingly offer their congratulations. The fifteen and three quarter gagillion dollars are spent on the Megatron-life robots. As a safety measure the Three Laws of Robotics are applied. Weeks later they remove the laws since it works against the Defense System Bit. The removal of the laws costs around twenty-four gagillion dollars.
Years later, it turns out that the homeless, blond, blind, old, and otherwise feeble are actually part of a secret society bent on taking over Antartica. They steal the Megatron-Like robots and make their own nation in Antartica, Uncreative Namica. Their Tourism Flourishes, mostly due to their the beaches and penguin hunting. Eventually they run out of food and eat the Megatron-like robots to survive. The people of Uncreative Namica die of heat stroke.
My brother manages to recover the Robots. He becomes the greatest Supreme Ruler of Everything.
zQ
p.s. The moral of this story is, DON'T VOTE. You're an idiot. You fell for some stupid horse-shit speech concocted by my brother and decided this is the guy to vote for because he has a plan. You have no idea how to run a Hot Dog vendor stand, let alone a coutnry or the Universe or Everything. You shouldn't be voting.
p.p.s. Five bucks to whomever helps me fix that gap issue between my blog and the sidebar. I'm to lazy to look up HTML. It sounds as tedious and trying to figure out how to work a VCR.
November 21, 2008
132nd - Possessed Fingers
I'm well aware I sound like a complete asshole when I say things like this, but sometimes I really can't help myself. Yesterday, someone (I'm electing to not mention who) sent me a link to this blog, Desi Fashion Police. I was bored so I went and rifled through. Now, I know I should know better than to even bother and I should have just left the silly, bobble-headed, vapid cu*t (It's a horrible word to use, I know and if you're reading this, I'm sorry, I just can't think of a better word to describe you. My grasp on the English language isn't quite as refined as yours.) alone, but I couldn't help myself. I may have started a small flame-war. I'm sure she's a harmless and nice enough Desi girl. They all are. I tried being complementary, humble and snide at the same time. So yeah, check out her blog. I suspect you'll get a lot of fashion tips. Or you know, at least help me continue my flame war. For some reason I've been posting anonymously, which makes me seem like a girl. I shouldn't probably change that on my next blog. I should be willing to eat what I dish out.
This is going to sound a bit racist. I'm not gonna say it wasn't meant to be racist because it is. I'm just electing to say it anyway. Desi girls. Really, we love you. We all do. Really. You're beautiful and graceful and exotic (exotic to white people, not us. You're just one of us to us.) and all that. But seriously, your Ice-Queen percentage is staggeringly high. How can you you all be so up on yourselves when all you do is tear each other down? It makes no sense. There is no math to support this level of superiority.
This was said in a completely non-sexual context, just around the wrong people. "You have to use Vaseline and go slow." Iqbal and Mome were around to hear me say this. I have no idea what I was talking about. Maybe my latest stint in prison.
Also, peopel who like seeing bad things happen to me. I suspect that Desi Fashionista chick is one of them. Yesterday, I took a call from a friend and I got up to leave the room as the re were people in my room and after a step realized my legs were both completely numb and fell on my face. The people in the room, my lovely and caring siblings did nothing but laugh at me. They didn't even pause the damn show they were watching! I'm fine, by the way.
So, my Nokia n95 that I was all existed about didn't work out. I kept poking at the screen only to realize it wasn't a touch screen and the lack of full keyboard drove me up the wall. Also, I had already sold my iPhone so I had to get a phone. I have the white iPhone now. I miss my old 1st Gen one. It was nicer but I had already sold it. Which brings me to this, I dislike people who make "offers" when you've already mentioned your lowest price and have declared no bargaining. Awful . How the hell do you offer someone almost half of what the asked for with a straight face. I think I'm going to go for he Nokia 5800 when it comes out. Any suggestions?
Seriously, go read that blog.
zQ
This is going to sound a bit racist. I'm not gonna say it wasn't meant to be racist because it is. I'm just electing to say it anyway. Desi girls. Really, we love you. We all do. Really. You're beautiful and graceful and exotic (exotic to white people, not us. You're just one of us to us.) and all that. But seriously, your Ice-Queen percentage is staggeringly high. How can you you all be so up on yourselves when all you do is tear each other down? It makes no sense. There is no math to support this level of superiority.
This was said in a completely non-sexual context, just around the wrong people. "You have to use Vaseline and go slow." Iqbal and Mome were around to hear me say this. I have no idea what I was talking about. Maybe my latest stint in prison.
Also, peopel who like seeing bad things happen to me. I suspect that Desi Fashionista chick is one of them. Yesterday, I took a call from a friend and I got up to leave the room as the re were people in my room and after a step realized my legs were both completely numb and fell on my face. The people in the room, my lovely and caring siblings did nothing but laugh at me. They didn't even pause the damn show they were watching! I'm fine, by the way.
So, my Nokia n95 that I was all existed about didn't work out. I kept poking at the screen only to realize it wasn't a touch screen and the lack of full keyboard drove me up the wall. Also, I had already sold my iPhone so I had to get a phone. I have the white iPhone now. I miss my old 1st Gen one. It was nicer but I had already sold it. Which brings me to this, I dislike people who make "offers" when you've already mentioned your lowest price and have declared no bargaining. Awful . How the hell do you offer someone almost half of what the asked for with a straight face. I think I'm going to go for he Nokia 5800 when it comes out. Any suggestions?
Seriously, go read that blog.
zQ
November 18, 2008
131st - Don't Kill Obama!
I read somewhere that leading up to the election, the Secret Service had already investigated some five hundred threats against Obama. Also, I'm sure I wasn't the only one who sighed a breath of relief when we noticed the bullet-proof glass around the stage as he was giving his acceptance speech. Dad made an interesting comment. Despite the numerous death threats, Barack Obama is first president in a long time that people actually have faith and belief in. To the point that the people would protect him. I'm not saying they're going to form their own little militias and follow him about but more in the be willing to take a bullet for him way.
This brings me to this very important point. DON'T KILL BARACK OBAMA. ESPECIALLY IF you're a Muslim, or brown, or can be in any way mistaken for brown guy, or a mildly tanned white guy, or own a brown article of clothing, or have brownish friends. Seriously, we're the most hated people on the planet right now. Don't kill off the one person giving people hope. It won't end well for us. I'm not fu*king around, don't kill him.
zQ
This brings me to this very important point. DON'T KILL BARACK OBAMA. ESPECIALLY IF you're a Muslim, or brown, or can be in any way mistaken for brown guy, or a mildly tanned white guy, or own a brown article of clothing, or have brownish friends. Seriously, we're the most hated people on the planet right now. Don't kill off the one person giving people hope. It won't end well for us. I'm not fu*king around, don't kill him.
zQ
November 14, 2008
130th - Genetic Defects: The Upside.
Begin by watching as much of this video as you possibly can. I'll understand if you don't make it past thirty seconds. Don't worry. It's not the Two Girls One Cup thing.
WHY? Why Scarlet? You were all hot and pretty and slutty, so I've been told by people. Girls mostly, so they could just be hating. Why the hell did you need to express your self, for lack of a better word, musically? WHY??? Just sit/stand around and look the way you do. That's all we've ever wanted from you. The fact that you're a great actress is HUGE bonus. Why did you have to try you hand at singing.
The only upside to this was that I feel a little better about my families hereditary crappy hearing abilities. I don't have those yet, but I don't dread that day as much anymore. I would have gone to jail for the things I would have done to you, but now I'll just get a slap on the wrist. You ruined everything.
I was at Staples a couple of days ago and I've decided to be complimented about this but this was the strangest compliment ever. I was paying for my Compressed Air Cans [more on that later] and the cashier was like, "You look bad today.", to which I responded, "I have feelings, you know.", to which she replied, "You normally are better cleaned up and dressed.", I said, "Oh." then I thought, I think this is a compliment of sorts?, to which she said, "You're slipping." I said, "I'll do better next time." Which brings us to the Compressed Air story.
So, on Wednesday, I ended up going to like eight different stores looking for Compressed Air to clean out this particularly nasty computer I was working on. Nobody seemed to carry it. I began to wonder if it was banned or something. Staples had some. So I asked them. Turns out there is some law about not selling it to people under 19. I found this out because I didn't have ID and the cashier was new and didn't know me. Eventually one who knew me saw came to my rescure. We had that conversation in the previous paragraph. Also, apparently, I look young. Seventeen-young. So, yes, you can't sell compressed air cans to peoples under the age of 19 [so a lot of shops stopped bothering to carry it to avoid the hassle] because - wait for it - The dumb shits have been SNIFFING to get high. IT'S FIFTEEN BUCKS A CAN!! DRUGS ARE CHEAPER!! And as it turns out, more readily available. I looked more into this. It'll actually cause mutations with any kids you have, so drugs are slightly safer as well. WTF!! Any asshat who's been sniffing compressed air, don't procreate. Not because I care abuot your offspring, but you'll birth more asshats like yourself who'll cause me 10 minute delays at stores having to show ID for fu*king compressed air. Dumbshits.
Also, the Nokia N95. I has it. No more iPhone.
zQ
WHY? Why Scarlet? You were all hot and pretty and slutty, so I've been told by people. Girls mostly, so they could just be hating. Why the hell did you need to express your self, for lack of a better word, musically? WHY??? Just sit/stand around and look the way you do. That's all we've ever wanted from you. The fact that you're a great actress is HUGE bonus. Why did you have to try you hand at singing.
The only upside to this was that I feel a little better about my families hereditary crappy hearing abilities. I don't have those yet, but I don't dread that day as much anymore. I would have gone to jail for the things I would have done to you, but now I'll just get a slap on the wrist. You ruined everything.
I was at Staples a couple of days ago and I've decided to be complimented about this but this was the strangest compliment ever. I was paying for my Compressed Air Cans [more on that later] and the cashier was like, "You look bad today.", to which I responded, "I have feelings, you know.", to which she replied, "You normally are better cleaned up and dressed.", I said, "Oh." then I thought, I think this is a compliment of sorts?, to which she said, "You're slipping." I said, "I'll do better next time." Which brings us to the Compressed Air story.
So, on Wednesday, I ended up going to like eight different stores looking for Compressed Air to clean out this particularly nasty computer I was working on. Nobody seemed to carry it. I began to wonder if it was banned or something. Staples had some. So I asked them. Turns out there is some law about not selling it to people under 19. I found this out because I didn't have ID and the cashier was new and didn't know me. Eventually one who knew me saw came to my rescure. We had that conversation in the previous paragraph. Also, apparently, I look young. Seventeen-young. So, yes, you can't sell compressed air cans to peoples under the age of 19 [so a lot of shops stopped bothering to carry it to avoid the hassle] because - wait for it - The dumb shits have been SNIFFING to get high. IT'S FIFTEEN BUCKS A CAN!! DRUGS ARE CHEAPER!! And as it turns out, more readily available. I looked more into this. It'll actually cause mutations with any kids you have, so drugs are slightly safer as well. WTF!! Any asshat who's been sniffing compressed air, don't procreate. Not because I care abuot your offspring, but you'll birth more asshats like yourself who'll cause me 10 minute delays at stores having to show ID for fu*king compressed air. Dumbshits.
Also, the Nokia N95. I has it. No more iPhone.
zQ
November 12, 2008
129th - The Television Blog
For someone who never watches television, I do watch a lot of TV shows. The last time I sat in front of the TV was at Momin's house on Sunday and we watched part of a football game and part of some fighting show. Then Momin fell asleep mid-sentence, twice, during the same sentence. So I decided it would be a good idea to go home. I think old age has finally caught up to him.
So, here's a useless breakdown of the shows that I watch. Also, you'll forgive me if I put "shoes" instead of "shows". It's become a bad sort of habit I can't seem to break. I'm going in alphabetical order.
Yes, before you comment. Today's pictures are of an Eye-Candy nature. Ladies, I didn't forget about you. In fact, we'll start with something for you people.
30 Rock. I started watching this about two months ago and ended up watching all of it. Tina Fey is really damned funny but Alec Baldwin makes the show.
[setup: Devon is gay.]
Devon: You're going down, Jack.
Jack: No, Devon. I don't do that.
Photo [below] - Here you go ladies. Frank dress like a slutty sailor.
Big Bang Theory: I really didn't think this show would make it to a second season, but it did. It's about power dorks and one hot chick. It's the chick from 8 Simple Rules. The blond one. It turns out that combination works. There's a breakup in that show over different opinions of String Theory and Quantum Gravity. Like I said, super dorky but surprisingly funny.
Photo [below] - Four Flashes!! That about wraps it up for the chicks.
Dexter: It's based on a book by Jeff Lindsay, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, about a likable forensics expert who also happens to be a serial killer. It's pretty good except I feel there are way too many coincidences. People who like Smallville but feel they're a bit old for it and would prefer something more serious/dark and not Clark Kent: The Douchebag years, will like Dexter. Also, the sister is strangely attractive. Don't give me shit over this Caboose, I said, "STRANGELY".
Note - I just realized, I do horrible sales for TV shows that I supposedly like.
Entourage: Is cool because it's pretty much every boy's fantasy life. Whether they choose to admit it or not. Plus, Ari Gold, the evil agent and his assistant Llyod who is Asian and super gay. He drives a riced up Hundai Tiburon. Plus, lots of hot chicks. Plus, Alba. Plus, Emanuel Chriqui. Nothing more needs to be said past Emanuel Chriqui. I don't get the deal with her name. Nonetheless, we like.
Grey's Anatomy: I have no idea why I watch this show. Seriously, with the exception of Katherine Heigl [Izzy], the remaining good looking people on the show are all dudes. As in all the guys in the show are good looking [and not in the Sixth-is-a-Homo way. If you ever watch an episode of the show, you'll see it.] and there is one good looking chick, who is, unfortunately, crazy. In the bad way. I think somewhere down the line, I can blame Shivali for me watching this show. I can probably also blame Asmar and that Heigl Chick.
Heroes: I don't actually watch this show yet. I'm starting to try to watch it. I've made it about three episodes into the first season and I keep falling asleep. But people keep telling me it's good and not just a blatant rip-off of the X-Men. I'm trying. I am curious about the chick whose reflection is always half a second behind. I wonder where that's leading to. Also, I wonder if that's where the idea for that Mirrors movie came. Did anyone see that movie?
House: House is awesome. Mainly because of his tiny hissy fit about candy canes. It is, unfortunately pretty formulaic in the beginning. It gradually starts to pull away from that but never quite gets there. After the first season, you stop caring about the medicine aspects and just kind of want to forward through, but can't. Still a good show and Lisa Edelstein, who plays House's boss looks like Caterina Murino, which is always amusing. You know, upon looking closer at those two photos, I may have been on something when I thought that statement.
How I met your Mother: This is probably my favorite show on television right now. It's all sorts of awesome. The characters are all likable minus one, it's funny as hell, Bob Saget is that dad. What more do you want? Also, the awesomest part of the awesomest show: Slap-Bet. However, just like Scrubs, I really don't like the main character, Ted all that much. Yes, he's funny, etc but he's just not very likable to me. Barney on the other hand is Legen-wait for it-Dary! Yes, it's tacky but I had to. Did you really, brother? I did. Allison Hannigan is good too.
The Office: Dwight scares me a little. We all know why the show is good. I can't really think of any reasons. My mind has frozen on Dwight biting into a beet. I'm not sure I've ever had a beet. I'm not entirely sure what a beet is. I'm imagining turnips. Like I said, Dwight scares me a bit. Creed is my favorite character.
Scrubs: This is one of my favorite shows on television, except that it's actually not on television right now. It's coming back on January or February, which sucks. It is friggin hilarious though. Plus the janitor is insane. If you had to pick one show to watch, it should be this one. WATCH THIS ONE. I pretty much love every character on the show, minus JD. He's funny and all but he's so needy and his woman parts are bigger than his boy parts. Incidently, he's had pretty much all really hot girl friends.
I'm sure since you're so clever and everything, you may have figured out this blog is really just filler because I'm trying to blog at least once a week. It's harder than you think. Still, we did try to make it a good one.
Smallville: Why the hell do I watch this show? I have no idea. It's so bad. It has moments where it seems like it's going to get good and then Lana shows her mousey face and ruins it all. Why can't she just die. Originally, I started watching this because my family and friends were all watching it. Last time they all bang-wagoned like this, was for Dawson's. Seriously, things were scheduled around Dawson's Creek. So, in a sad attempt to not be excluded I started watching Smallville. It started off all formulaic, which is fine but it always gave hope of something bigger abut to happen. By the time I realized it wasn't going to happen, I was already five seasons in and now I'm just riding it out till the end. Luckily, the WB will not be doing the Graysons after Smallville is over this year. They'll find some other DC license to ruin.
So you think you can Dance: I know I'm not a very rhythmically talented person but still, it's a good show. Plus hot dancer [synonymous with bendy] chicks. You can't really go wrong with that. Also, Kat Deely hosts.
Not to fear. While typing this out, I came up with an idea for an actual blog and will be posting that shortly. So, no need to be overly pissed about this filler one.
Ugly Betty: I can't remember why I started watching this show but I do watch it now and I like it. I blame Nadia. Although I haven't seen most of season 2. I should get on that. Anyway, evil fashion people. The characters Amanda and Mark make the show.
So, here's a useless breakdown of the shows that I watch. Also, you'll forgive me if I put "shoes" instead of "shows". It's become a bad sort of habit I can't seem to break. I'm going in alphabetical order.
Yes, before you comment. Today's pictures are of an Eye-Candy nature. Ladies, I didn't forget about you. In fact, we'll start with something for you people.
30 Rock. I started watching this about two months ago and ended up watching all of it. Tina Fey is really damned funny but Alec Baldwin makes the show.
[setup: Devon is gay.]
Devon: You're going down, Jack.
Jack: No, Devon. I don't do that.
Photo [below] - Here you go ladies. Frank dress like a slutty sailor.
Big Bang Theory: I really didn't think this show would make it to a second season, but it did. It's about power dorks and one hot chick. It's the chick from 8 Simple Rules. The blond one. It turns out that combination works. There's a breakup in that show over different opinions of String Theory and Quantum Gravity. Like I said, super dorky but surprisingly funny.
Photo [below] - Four Flashes!! That about wraps it up for the chicks.
Dexter: It's based on a book by Jeff Lindsay, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, about a likable forensics expert who also happens to be a serial killer. It's pretty good except I feel there are way too many coincidences. People who like Smallville but feel they're a bit old for it and would prefer something more serious/dark and not Clark Kent: The Douchebag years, will like Dexter. Also, the sister is strangely attractive. Don't give me shit over this Caboose, I said, "STRANGELY".Note - I just realized, I do horrible sales for TV shows that I supposedly like.
Entourage: Is cool because it's pretty much every boy's fantasy life. Whether they choose to admit it or not. Plus, Ari Gold, the evil agent and his assistant Llyod who is Asian and super gay. He drives a riced up Hundai Tiburon. Plus, lots of hot chicks. Plus, Alba. Plus, Emanuel Chriqui. Nothing more needs to be said past Emanuel Chriqui. I don't get the deal with her name. Nonetheless, we like.
Grey's Anatomy: I have no idea why I watch this show. Seriously, with the exception of Katherine Heigl [Izzy], the remaining good looking people on the show are all dudes. As in all the guys in the show are good looking [and not in the Sixth-is-a-Homo way. If you ever watch an episode of the show, you'll see it.] and there is one good looking chick, who is, unfortunately, crazy. In the bad way. I think somewhere down the line, I can blame Shivali for me watching this show. I can probably also blame Asmar and that Heigl Chick.
Heroes: I don't actually watch this show yet. I'm starting to try to watch it. I've made it about three episodes into the first season and I keep falling asleep. But people keep telling me it's good and not just a blatant rip-off of the X-Men. I'm trying. I am curious about the chick whose reflection is always half a second behind. I wonder where that's leading to. Also, I wonder if that's where the idea for that Mirrors movie came. Did anyone see that movie?
House: House is awesome. Mainly because of his tiny hissy fit about candy canes. It is, unfortunately pretty formulaic in the beginning. It gradually starts to pull away from that but never quite gets there. After the first season, you stop caring about the medicine aspects and just kind of want to forward through, but can't. Still a good show and Lisa Edelstein, who plays House's boss looks like Caterina Murino, which is always amusing. You know, upon looking closer at those two photos, I may have been on something when I thought that statement.How I met your Mother: This is probably my favorite show on television right now. It's all sorts of awesome. The characters are all likable minus one, it's funny as hell, Bob Saget is that dad. What more do you want? Also, the awesomest part of the awesomest show: Slap-Bet. However, just like Scrubs, I really don't like the main character, Ted all that much. Yes, he's funny, etc but he's just not very likable to me. Barney on the other hand is Legen-wait for it-Dary! Yes, it's tacky but I had to. Did you really, brother? I did. Allison Hannigan is good too.
The Office: Dwight scares me a little. We all know why the show is good. I can't really think of any reasons. My mind has frozen on Dwight biting into a beet. I'm not sure I've ever had a beet. I'm not entirely sure what a beet is. I'm imagining turnips. Like I said, Dwight scares me a bit. Creed is my favorite character.
Scrubs: This is one of my favorite shows on television, except that it's actually not on television right now. It's coming back on January or February, which sucks. It is friggin hilarious though. Plus the janitor is insane. If you had to pick one show to watch, it should be this one. WATCH THIS ONE. I pretty much love every character on the show, minus JD. He's funny and all but he's so needy and his woman parts are bigger than his boy parts. Incidently, he's had pretty much all really hot girl friends.I'm sure since you're so clever and everything, you may have figured out this blog is really just filler because I'm trying to blog at least once a week. It's harder than you think. Still, we did try to make it a good one.
Smallville: Why the hell do I watch this show? I have no idea. It's so bad. It has moments where it seems like it's going to get good and then Lana shows her mousey face and ruins it all. Why can't she just die. Originally, I started watching this because my family and friends were all watching it. Last time they all bang-wagoned like this, was for Dawson's. Seriously, things were scheduled around Dawson's Creek. So, in a sad attempt to not be excluded I started watching Smallville. It started off all formulaic, which is fine but it always gave hope of something bigger abut to happen. By the time I realized it wasn't going to happen, I was already five seasons in and now I'm just riding it out till the end. Luckily, the WB will not be doing the Graysons after Smallville is over this year. They'll find some other DC license to ruin.
So you think you can Dance: I know I'm not a very rhythmically talented person but still, it's a good show. Plus hot dancer [synonymous with bendy] chicks. You can't really go wrong with that. Also, Kat Deely hosts.Not to fear. While typing this out, I came up with an idea for an actual blog and will be posting that shortly. So, no need to be overly pissed about this filler one.
Ugly Betty: I can't remember why I started watching this show but I do watch it now and I like it. I blame Nadia. Although I haven't seen most of season 2. I should get on that. Anyway, evil fashion people. The characters Amanda and Mark make the show.
November 4, 2008
128th - Costumes.
NOTE - I didn't put photos up because I wasn't sure how people would feel about being used as examples. See, I was considerate!
Caboose made a good point. I decided to expand on it a bit. Feel free to agree or Disagree.
People who dress up as other cultures for Halloween are kinda racist. If you dress up like something specific from a culture - A Geisha or a Samurai or a Mountie or a Mujra Dancer or Saadhus or whatever - that's one thing. However, when you put on one of those big straw hats and say, "I'm Chinese!" or put on a Keffiyeh and now you're an Arab, you just look like an asshole.
Has to be said. If you're going to be a terrorist for Halloween, the Dynamite is part of the costume, the brown clothes isn't. That's you being racist. Unless you're dressing up as a known terrorist - You know, Osama Bin Laden or Ted Kazinsky [generally not seen in brown clothes] - and the clothing and props direct towards his/her identity, not just their race, then it's fine.
A few mintues ago, I was talking to Shiv about this and she mentioned something I was going to touch up on: The Whore trend.
"Well..Halloween is supposed to be [traditionally] scary and gorey so if you're dressed as a Playboy Bunny...guess what... you're just telling the world that you're a fright when trying to be sexy. So either you think you're THAT unattractive when you're a slutty nurse...that the whole world will be scared of u when u step out that night"
Don't get me wrong. We definitely appreciate the steps girls take to look like complete whores on Halloween but really, when did Halloween become whore-fest? Some of you won't even bother with a costume theme other than Whore. Again, ours hats off to you, but really, you can do that any day, Halloween is not a Get-out-of-Jail free card. If you dress all proper all year and slut-up on Halloween, yeah, you're gonna get labeled a whore. Before anyone brings up the, Just-because-I-dress-a-certain-way-doesn't-make-me-a-Whore or the, I-dress-like-this-to-feel-sexy-for-myself-not-for-you argument. Let me counter by saying this:
That's actually a fairly wise thing to keep in mind all the time. Ladies especially. You have every right to dress however you please. However, when you go to a bar, dressed like a whore, don't be surprised or angry when you're treated like one. Also, if you ever hit me for no damn reason because you somehow felt it was your prerogative to do so, don't be surprised when I hit you back a hell lot harder. Harder just to prove a point. Guys. If you dress like douche-bags, we're going to think you're a douche-bag. Example. Multiple Polos with popped collars.
I worked this Halloween which sucks but that just meant my Halloween was on par with every other Halloween. However, I did get to drive home at 1am and these were the whorey highlights. 1 The Classic: Slutty Devil. 2 Left fielder: The Slutty Bee. 3 The Weird and Awkward: The Slutty Joker. Yes, out of the 25 or so Jokers [seriously, creativity people] there was a slutty one.
Costumes worth mentioning: The dude was dressed up as Naughty Twister. Asmar's Galadriel costume. That kid outside Brother Andre HS dressed like a Clone Trooper.
The four guys in red thongs and not much else. That's not a costume! Also, slutty. Props for balancing it out, really. We could have just made this about whorey girls but you had to ruin it.
Another thing worth mentioning just because it should be mentioned. Most of us are adults and can dress up in costumers whenever we chose. We don't really need to wait for Halloween. We can do whatever we please.
And lastly. The guy I wanted to run over. DO NOT DRESS LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE FOR HALLOWEEN!! You're lucky there were cops all over the road. You don't see fu*king Jack-O-Lantern Nativity displays, do you?
zQ
Caboose made a good point. I decided to expand on it a bit. Feel free to agree or Disagree.
People who dress up as other cultures for Halloween are kinda racist. If you dress up like something specific from a culture - A Geisha or a Samurai or a Mountie or a Mujra Dancer or Saadhus or whatever - that's one thing. However, when you put on one of those big straw hats and say, "I'm Chinese!" or put on a Keffiyeh and now you're an Arab, you just look like an asshole.
Has to be said. If you're going to be a terrorist for Halloween, the Dynamite is part of the costume, the brown clothes isn't. That's you being racist. Unless you're dressing up as a known terrorist - You know, Osama Bin Laden or Ted Kazinsky [generally not seen in brown clothes] - and the clothing and props direct towards his/her identity, not just their race, then it's fine.
A few mintues ago, I was talking to Shiv about this and she mentioned something I was going to touch up on: The Whore trend.
"Well..Halloween is supposed to be [traditionally] scary and gorey so if you're dressed as a Playboy Bunny...guess what... you're just telling the world that you're a fright when trying to be sexy. So either you think you're THAT unattractive when you're a slutty nurse...that the whole world will be scared of u when u step out that night"
Don't get me wrong. We definitely appreciate the steps girls take to look like complete whores on Halloween but really, when did Halloween become whore-fest? Some of you won't even bother with a costume theme other than Whore. Again, ours hats off to you, but really, you can do that any day, Halloween is not a Get-out-of-Jail free card. If you dress all proper all year and slut-up on Halloween, yeah, you're gonna get labeled a whore. Before anyone brings up the, Just-because-I-dress-a-certain-way-doesn't-make-me-a-Whore or the, I-dress-like-this-to-feel-sexy-for-myself-not-for-you argument. Let me counter by saying this:
"Just because you dress like a slut doesn't mean you're a slut. And just because I act like a rapist doesn't mean I am a rapist."
That's actually a fairly wise thing to keep in mind all the time. Ladies especially. You have every right to dress however you please. However, when you go to a bar, dressed like a whore, don't be surprised or angry when you're treated like one. Also, if you ever hit me for no damn reason because you somehow felt it was your prerogative to do so, don't be surprised when I hit you back a hell lot harder. Harder just to prove a point. Guys. If you dress like douche-bags, we're going to think you're a douche-bag. Example. Multiple Polos with popped collars.
I worked this Halloween which sucks but that just meant my Halloween was on par with every other Halloween. However, I did get to drive home at 1am and these were the whorey highlights. 1 The Classic: Slutty Devil. 2 Left fielder: The Slutty Bee. 3 The Weird and Awkward: The Slutty Joker. Yes, out of the 25 or so Jokers [seriously, creativity people] there was a slutty one.
Costumes worth mentioning: The dude was dressed up as Naughty Twister. Asmar's Galadriel costume. That kid outside Brother Andre HS dressed like a Clone Trooper.
The four guys in red thongs and not much else. That's not a costume! Also, slutty. Props for balancing it out, really. We could have just made this about whorey girls but you had to ruin it.
Another thing worth mentioning just because it should be mentioned. Most of us are adults and can dress up in costumers whenever we chose. We don't really need to wait for Halloween. We can do whatever we please.
And lastly. The guy I wanted to run over. DO NOT DRESS LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE FOR HALLOWEEN!! You're lucky there were cops all over the road. You don't see fu*king Jack-O-Lantern Nativity displays, do you?
zQ
October 24, 2008
127th - Yellow & Red Dots
QUICK NOTE - I are making changes to the blog. Notice them.
Today's photograms are brought to you by the day Friday, the Letter G [uY oksr creGFof] and your Dad. Well said. Sameera may have already posted these photos on facebook. Stupid facebook.
PGR4 is a little racist. For those of you who don't know, PGR4 or Project Gotham Racing Four is an arcade style racing video game exclusive for the X-Box 360. Now you know. When you're racing around in ghetto-pile-of-shit cars, there's always hip hop, rap, techno and some spanish shit blaring. There's always hip hop and techno blaring out your ghetto-pile-of-shit car. Quiet, brother. When you get into the more sophisticated [more expensive] cars, classical music starts. What gives? You saying a 1991 GMC Syclone [spelled that way] doesn't have class? It doesn't.
This past weekend was great. I had no serious plans. I essentially lounged around my house, in my skivvies when possible, ate a whole bunch of a junk and did NOTHING. Nothing, brother? Exactly so.
Friday consisted of one of the most embarrassing Connect-Four loses ever witnessed. Check the photos. I had dinner at Licks and once again, Caboose broke her diet. There were also video games and an obscene amount of jello. We make good Jello. I shut out Caboose and Amaan in Halo, which isn't exactly an accomplishment to write home about but it did make them both feel like little girls with pig tails and ribbons in their hair so it wasn't a complete loss. Cheese salsa. Video games. Cheese salsa is really damned good. Incidently, we suck at PGR4. Still Amaan's butt was whooped most thoroughly. He may have enjoyed that. Sameera busted out her Camera, much to Amaan's protests he was in several photos. We will not speak of BomberMan. But. No. BOMERMAN? No. Friday night went well till about 2am. What happened? It ended. Iqbal made a miraculous comeback from fourth place to third. I got The Man who Laughs from Heroes World.
photo [below] - The match begins. Caboose focused intently upon the match.
photo [below] - Amaan focused intently on the match. Also looking like a serial killer with the munchies. Tensions are high.
photo [below] - Results. Victory and crushing, humiliating defeat!
I woke up Saturday morning a little confused. Mostly because I couldn't remember removing my pants before getting into bed which leads me to suspect they were stolen. Later I found them in the bathroom. Confusing to say the least. I've yet to draw any conclusions. I watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. I liked it except about halfway through, they started this very disgusting gag which later turns out to be a running gag and EW. Otherwise, I liked it. But HOLY HOPPING CRAP, the "pretty" girl, Tris or whatever, played by Alexis Dziena looks a hell lot like Regan from the Exorcist. Poor girl. Then we played a rousing game of speed scrabble. Scrabble is rousing? It was sarcasm. Nevertheless, I won! Both times. Congratulations, brother. Thank you. Boo-yAH!! At a very early 1230ish, I went home and to bed. That early? Yes, I was pretty beat. Speed Scarabble can really take it out of one. Shut up.
I spent pretty much all of Sunday in bed. Alone? Shut up. With the help of our trusty mouse, we caught up on my week's worth of TV, watched Transformers - Megan Fox is pretty damned hot. I concur. As do I - and started watching Heroes. Heroes? Yes. Why? Shut it. Oh, and a lot of You-Tube. I also read a whole bunch and napped in between pretty much everything. At night I ate some Jello. I played some scrabble on facebook and went to sleep. What's with all the Scrabble. I kick ass at Scrabble. Not something to brag about. At this moment, I am not particularly fond of you, brother. We love you just the same.
The End.
zQ
As a parting gift, in honor of Amaan's birthday this amusing video of Amaan trying to kill himself in my bedroom. Happy Birthday Dude!
Today's photograms are brought to you by the day Friday, the Letter G [uY oksr creGFof] and your Dad. Well said. Sameera may have already posted these photos on facebook. Stupid facebook.
photo [below] - Why wouldn't anyone bring me water?!?! Look at how dry my tongue is!! Someone drank all my friggin Green Juice!!
PGR4 is a little racist. For those of you who don't know, PGR4 or Project Gotham Racing Four is an arcade style racing video game exclusive for the X-Box 360. Now you know. When you're racing around in ghetto-pile-of-shit cars, there's always hip hop, rap, techno and some spanish shit blaring. There's always hip hop and techno blaring out your ghetto-pile-of-shit car. Quiet, brother. When you get into the more sophisticated [more expensive] cars, classical music starts. What gives? You saying a 1991 GMC Syclone [spelled that way] doesn't have class? It doesn't.
This past weekend was great. I had no serious plans. I essentially lounged around my house, in my skivvies when possible, ate a whole bunch of a junk and did NOTHING. Nothing, brother? Exactly so.
Friday consisted of one of the most embarrassing Connect-Four loses ever witnessed. Check the photos. I had dinner at Licks and once again, Caboose broke her diet. There were also video games and an obscene amount of jello. We make good Jello. I shut out Caboose and Amaan in Halo, which isn't exactly an accomplishment to write home about but it did make them both feel like little girls with pig tails and ribbons in their hair so it wasn't a complete loss. Cheese salsa. Video games. Cheese salsa is really damned good. Incidently, we suck at PGR4. Still Amaan's butt was whooped most thoroughly. He may have enjoyed that. Sameera busted out her Camera, much to Amaan's protests he was in several photos. We will not speak of BomberMan. But. No. BOMERMAN? No. Friday night went well till about 2am. What happened? It ended. Iqbal made a miraculous comeback from fourth place to third. I got The Man who Laughs from Heroes World.
photo [below] - Amaan prepares for the big match up.Incidentally, this is the only photo Iq is in.
photo [below] - The match begins. Caboose focused intently upon the match.
photo [below] - Amaan focused intently on the match. Also looking like a serial killer with the munchies. Tensions are high.
photo [below] - Results. Victory and crushing, humiliating defeat!
I woke up Saturday morning a little confused. Mostly because I couldn't remember removing my pants before getting into bed which leads me to suspect they were stolen. Later I found them in the bathroom. Confusing to say the least. I've yet to draw any conclusions. I watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. I liked it except about halfway through, they started this very disgusting gag which later turns out to be a running gag and EW. Otherwise, I liked it. But HOLY HOPPING CRAP, the "pretty" girl, Tris or whatever, played by Alexis Dziena looks a hell lot like Regan from the Exorcist. Poor girl. Then we played a rousing game of speed scrabble. Scrabble is rousing? It was sarcasm. Nevertheless, I won! Both times. Congratulations, brother. Thank you. Boo-yAH!! At a very early 1230ish, I went home and to bed. That early? Yes, I was pretty beat. Speed Scarabble can really take it out of one. Shut up.
I spent pretty much all of Sunday in bed. Alone? Shut up. With the help of our trusty mouse, we caught up on my week's worth of TV, watched Transformers - Megan Fox is pretty damned hot. I concur. As do I - and started watching Heroes. Heroes? Yes. Why? Shut it. Oh, and a lot of You-Tube. I also read a whole bunch and napped in between pretty much everything. At night I ate some Jello. I played some scrabble on facebook and went to sleep. What's with all the Scrabble. I kick ass at Scrabble. Not something to brag about. At this moment, I am not particularly fond of you, brother. We love you just the same.
The End.
zQ
As a parting gift, in honor of Amaan's birthday this amusing video of Amaan trying to kill himself in my bedroom. Happy Birthday Dude!
p.s. Arubia has my headphones and Bananagrams. I'd like them back.
p.s.s. Any and all book borrowers. Return books or at least make it known. Or at least for the love of God, look for them. Vinita. Sameera. Looking in your direction.
photo [above] - Caboose, you lost to this guy!
p.s.s. Any and all book borrowers. Return books or at least make it known. Or at least for the love of God, look for them. Vinita. Sameera. Looking in your direction.
photo [above] - Caboose, you lost to this guy!October 9, 2008
126th - FANS!
Seriously?!? WTF? I was all happy and excited because I got a new fan for my computer and nobody. Nobody. NOBODY even remotely gave a crap about it. Even a little! WTF! Could you not just be happy for me? Or you know, fake it a little?!?!
I fake an interest in your crap I don't care about.
I hate all of you.
zQ
I fake an interest in your crap I don't care about.
I hate all of you.
zQ
October 8, 2008
125th - Family Friendly Hearse
Apologies in advance for the blatant abuse and disregard for the over-use of the word, 'brother'.
Brothers. Yes, brother. There is something I desire to share with you. What is it, brother? It happened this morning. Go on, brother. Yes, we are all ears. Do go on. Very well. As I commuted to the places of my employ this morning, when I looked to my right I saw what can only be described as a monstrosity. Monstrosity, brother? Surely this is a hyperbole of sorts. No, brother. A monstrosity in every way conceivable. Do go on. We can hardly keep from guessing what this monstrosity you speak of may be. Was it a fat man eating an ice cream cone? That early in the morning? That's blasphemy! No, brother. Surely there is nothing that could be considered more of a monstrosity than a fat man eating an ice cream cone at that ungodly hour. But there is brother, there is. I beg you brother, do not keep us in suspense any longer. What could it have a been? I will tell you. Please do. The Pontiac Aztek. - - - - What is that, brother? Some type of ancient warrior raised from the dead to devour our souls? That would be a monstrosity. No brother. It's much worse. Surely not! Yes. It's the ugliest, most foul and nonsensical car ever designed. Hasn't Pontiac been around for a thousand years? It has, brothers. Nonetheless, this half Sport Utility Vehicle slash half camping tent was the product of their labors. How deeply disturbing. My thoughts exactly, brother. One can surmise that Pontiac was sodomized by Coast Mountain Sports. How terrible. Yes, but the visual is rather amusing. We are digressing, brothers. But car sodom- No brothers. We must focus on the task. We must be prepared to surrender to death if the alternative is association with such atrocities. How do you propose we go about dying? We don't die brothers. That's good then. But in the event, what does our dying have to do with the Aztek? Are we raising them from the dead to exact revenge upon Pontiac? I think being sodomized by an outdoor sporting goods store is revenge enough. No, brothers. We just have to make sure our persons are never subject to be carriaged in the trunk of that car. Wouldn't a hearse be more fashionable? It would, brother. A hearse is rather pricey. However, I have done some research and have found some affordable alternatives for our passage to our final resting. Cremation? No, brother. Dynamite? No, brother. Giant fu*kings ducks? No, brother. - Well, what about those forcep- Please let me finish, brother. Very well. I am standing on anticipation. I may continue then? You may. Uninterrupted? Yes, of course. Very well. Mini Hearses. Before you continue, we'll be needing a hot dog. A what? A hot dog. They're delicious. Very well.
Brothers, I was in the market for a semi-futuristic sort of Barbecue that had enough room on it to cook for sixty people all at once. I also would have preferred it be mobile so that I may pursue a career in BBQ vending if the whole goat erotica thing didn't work out. That's working out well though, isn't it? It is. Have you gotten Arnie to stop eating the set props? Not yet, Brother, but we're making strides. Have you considered spraying something bitter on to everything on set? I have. And? We felt it killed the energy in the room. Enough. Brothers, I give you the Ford Flex. How do you not think, "I need a hot dog" when you see this thing in your rear mirrors. Look at it! How does that not scream SEMI-FUTURISTIC-BBQ-FOR-SIXTY-OF-YOUR-CLOSEST! How? I am feeling the craving for pureed pigeon and vermin wrapped in a skin of bovine anus. I can taste it now, brothers. Where are we going to find a hot dog vendor at four in the morning? Look at it! It's gorgeous! I'm compelled by my lust for exotic meats to just pop that thing open and throw down a large slab meat, baste with my special sauces and GRILL!! [there, a whole bunch of that's what she said moments. that was for mome and iqbal]. Come, Brothers! There are wieners to be had!
Brothers, I am well fed. Stuffed even. As am I. Those foot-longs do hit the right spot. [yeah, i've no explanation for why this thing turned into a 'that's what she said' game. we are sorry.] Were you not informing us your findings, brother? I was. Shall I continue? By all means. I am curious to know about these affordable hearses. Very well. Are you beginning? No, brother, I am continuing. My apologies.
This brothers is the PT cruiser. Designed by Chrysler some eight years ago was their answer to a modern, affordable and family friendly hearse. It looks like a midget hearse. Or the type of hearse people who buy ten thousand dollar baby coffins would use if they're planning on burying the hearse as well. Rich people. Who understands them? Who buries a hearse? One of the plus sides of this hearse is that when it's not taxing midgets and newborns from this life to the next, it can be used to transport obscene amounts of liquors and drugs. It is rather roomy, isn't it? It is. I always wondered about that. But this wouldn't fit a normal sized coffin. Of course not. So, how does this help us? It doesn't. Then why mention it, brother. To illustrate that there are options. Options, brother? Yes, options, brother. I should also point out, it can be blinged up. "Blinged up", brother? Yes. Explain. Look below, brothers. It still looks like a midget hearse. Agreed, brother.
You mentioned other options, brother. I did. What are they? I will tell you. Please do. I shall. Right now? Yes, brother. We're listening. We feel sleepy, brothers. Hearses are a deathly boring subject. Clever. They are. Then why are we discussing them? I want a protein shake. I don't think that's possible at this hour, brother.
Not to be outed from the family hearse market by Chrysler- The actress? - No, brother. Vehicle Manufacturer. I see. Yes. Chevrolet decided that they would improve upon Chrysler's blunder and make their family friendly hearse larger. This, brothers, is the HHR. Car Manufacturers don't much respect the dead, do they? Not as much as we hoped brother. Ironic. I wouldn't want to caught dead in that thing. Very funny. Thank you, brother. It comes with a turbo. Why, brother? I supposed to help reduce the time your corpse spends in one. That's nice of them. Yes, one's corpse can only be demeaned so much before it stops being amusing. Usually after the puppet play. Agreed, brother. Even then, only if the play is concluded before they get rigid. You are referring to riger mortis, brother? Is that what that's called? The stiffening of skeletal and cardiac muscle shortly after death, yes.
We have arrived at a conclusion. Have we, brothers? We have. We've decided. Go on. In the event of our death- Yes, brother. Fed-Ex our bodies to the final resting place or just bury it wherever our last breath escapes. That may raise some complications, brother. I am aware of it. At the very least, put me in a suitcase neatly and taxi me over. You needn't worry about that. Consider it done, brother. Now brother. Yes. Tell us this. I will do my earnest. What in the name of pasta were these people thinking. Which people are you referring to, brother? These people, brother.
Oh. I'm speechless, brothers. Do you not drive one of those, brother? I do, brother. It is however much easier to get into. Stairs? No, brother. Common Sense. Shall we get some coffee? Yes, brothers. I am itching for something hot and black inside me. Brother, your innuendos will never cease to amaze.
zQs
Brothers. Yes, brother. There is something I desire to share with you. What is it, brother? It happened this morning. Go on, brother. Yes, we are all ears. Do go on. Very well. As I commuted to the places of my employ this morning, when I looked to my right I saw what can only be described as a monstrosity. Monstrosity, brother? Surely this is a hyperbole of sorts. No, brother. A monstrosity in every way conceivable. Do go on. We can hardly keep from guessing what this monstrosity you speak of may be. Was it a fat man eating an ice cream cone? That early in the morning? That's blasphemy! No, brother. Surely there is nothing that could be considered more of a monstrosity than a fat man eating an ice cream cone at that ungodly hour. But there is brother, there is. I beg you brother, do not keep us in suspense any longer. What could it have a been? I will tell you. Please do. The Pontiac Aztek. - - - - What is that, brother? Some type of ancient warrior raised from the dead to devour our souls? That would be a monstrosity. No brother. It's much worse. Surely not! Yes. It's the ugliest, most foul and nonsensical car ever designed. Hasn't Pontiac been around for a thousand years? It has, brothers. Nonetheless, this half Sport Utility Vehicle slash half camping tent was the product of their labors. How deeply disturbing. My thoughts exactly, brother. One can surmise that Pontiac was sodomized by Coast Mountain Sports. How terrible. Yes, but the visual is rather amusing. We are digressing, brothers. But car sodom- No brothers. We must focus on the task. We must be prepared to surrender to death if the alternative is association with such atrocities. How do you propose we go about dying? We don't die brothers. That's good then. But in the event, what does our dying have to do with the Aztek? Are we raising them from the dead to exact revenge upon Pontiac? I think being sodomized by an outdoor sporting goods store is revenge enough. No, brothers. We just have to make sure our persons are never subject to be carriaged in the trunk of that car. Wouldn't a hearse be more fashionable? It would, brother. A hearse is rather pricey. However, I have done some research and have found some affordable alternatives for our passage to our final resting. Cremation? No, brother. Dynamite? No, brother. Giant fu*kings ducks? No, brother. - Well, what about those forcep- Please let me finish, brother. Very well. I am standing on anticipation. I may continue then? You may. Uninterrupted? Yes, of course. Very well. Mini Hearses. Before you continue, we'll be needing a hot dog. A what? A hot dog. They're delicious. Very well.
Brothers, I was in the market for a semi-futuristic sort of Barbecue that had enough room on it to cook for sixty people all at once. I also would have preferred it be mobile so that I may pursue a career in BBQ vending if the whole goat erotica thing didn't work out. That's working out well though, isn't it? It is. Have you gotten Arnie to stop eating the set props? Not yet, Brother, but we're making strides. Have you considered spraying something bitter on to everything on set? I have. And? We felt it killed the energy in the room. Enough. Brothers, I give you the Ford Flex. How do you not think, "I need a hot dog" when you see this thing in your rear mirrors. Look at it! How does that not scream SEMI-FUTURISTIC-BBQ-FOR-SIXTY-OF-YOUR-CLOSEST! How? I am feeling the craving for pureed pigeon and vermin wrapped in a skin of bovine anus. I can taste it now, brothers. Where are we going to find a hot dog vendor at four in the morning? Look at it! It's gorgeous! I'm compelled by my lust for exotic meats to just pop that thing open and throw down a large slab meat, baste with my special sauces and GRILL!! [there, a whole bunch of that's what she said moments. that was for mome and iqbal]. Come, Brothers! There are wieners to be had!
Brothers, I am well fed. Stuffed even. As am I. Those foot-longs do hit the right spot. [yeah, i've no explanation for why this thing turned into a 'that's what she said' game. we are sorry.] Were you not informing us your findings, brother? I was. Shall I continue? By all means. I am curious to know about these affordable hearses. Very well. Are you beginning? No, brother, I am continuing. My apologies.
This brothers is the PT cruiser. Designed by Chrysler some eight years ago was their answer to a modern, affordable and family friendly hearse. It looks like a midget hearse. Or the type of hearse people who buy ten thousand dollar baby coffins would use if they're planning on burying the hearse as well. Rich people. Who understands them? Who buries a hearse? One of the plus sides of this hearse is that when it's not taxing midgets and newborns from this life to the next, it can be used to transport obscene amounts of liquors and drugs. It is rather roomy, isn't it? It is. I always wondered about that. But this wouldn't fit a normal sized coffin. Of course not. So, how does this help us? It doesn't. Then why mention it, brother. To illustrate that there are options. Options, brother? Yes, options, brother. I should also point out, it can be blinged up. "Blinged up", brother? Yes. Explain. Look below, brothers. It still looks like a midget hearse. Agreed, brother.
You mentioned other options, brother. I did. What are they? I will tell you. Please do. I shall. Right now? Yes, brother. We're listening. We feel sleepy, brothers. Hearses are a deathly boring subject. Clever. They are. Then why are we discussing them? I want a protein shake. I don't think that's possible at this hour, brother.
Not to be outed from the family hearse market by Chrysler- The actress? - No, brother. Vehicle Manufacturer. I see. Yes. Chevrolet decided that they would improve upon Chrysler's blunder and make their family friendly hearse larger. This, brothers, is the HHR. Car Manufacturers don't much respect the dead, do they? Not as much as we hoped brother. Ironic. I wouldn't want to caught dead in that thing. Very funny. Thank you, brother. It comes with a turbo. Why, brother? I supposed to help reduce the time your corpse spends in one. That's nice of them. Yes, one's corpse can only be demeaned so much before it stops being amusing. Usually after the puppet play. Agreed, brother. Even then, only if the play is concluded before they get rigid. You are referring to riger mortis, brother? Is that what that's called? The stiffening of skeletal and cardiac muscle shortly after death, yes.
We have arrived at a conclusion. Have we, brothers? We have. We've decided. Go on. In the event of our death- Yes, brother. Fed-Ex our bodies to the final resting place or just bury it wherever our last breath escapes. That may raise some complications, brother. I am aware of it. At the very least, put me in a suitcase neatly and taxi me over. You needn't worry about that. Consider it done, brother. Now brother. Yes. Tell us this. I will do my earnest. What in the name of pasta were these people thinking. Which people are you referring to, brother? These people, brother.
Oh. I'm speechless, brothers. Do you not drive one of those, brother? I do, brother. It is however much easier to get into. Stairs? No, brother. Common Sense. Shall we get some coffee? Yes, brothers. I am itching for something hot and black inside me. Brother, your innuendos will never cease to amaze.
zQs
September 18, 2008
124th - 21 Problems
I tried to make a list of my problems, hoping to top Jay-Z and get to 100, but I saw something shiny and got distracted. Needless to say, I didn't make it to a hundred - I'm alright with it. The shiny object was most satisfyingly sparkley.
001. Bitches. You win Jay-Z, a bitch isn't your problem, but bitches are my problem. Dude, you're the only person on this planet who doesn't have bitch problems. Bitches have bitch problems. Gay dudes have bitch problems. Silk worms have bitch problems. You're a bastard.
002. I think the guy from the Offspring video, Pretty Fly is kinda cool. He has hydraulics on his car! HYDRAULICS!!
003. My laptop went to HP for repairs for a month and I forgot what it looked then until I got it back. I think I may have possibly actually perhaps felt a tiny twang of guilt about it.
004. In my mind, excessive/abusive amounts of physical activity solves most problems or at the very least makes you completely unaware of the repercussions.
005. I like to read webcomics about topics I'm really not into. I'm currently reading a webcomic about indie kids. I didn't even know what an indie kid was until I started reading it. Indie kids don't like My Chemical Romance. I don't either. Common Ground.
006. Something everyone can relate to. I'm broke. I earn steady monies and I'm broke most of the time. What the fu*k?!?
007. When I mention anything about my self-esteem, friends reply, "what self esteem?". This doesn't mix well with my gigantic ego.
008. I have pretty shit short term memory. Which admittedly is hilarious and convenient at times, but still is kind of a pain.
009. Once every few weeks, I lose my bed to my laundry. This time it's gotten out of hand. I've been sleeping on my floor for like a month now.
010. I can lie really damn well. I just don't feel compelled to all that often. I can also be really damn honest. I wish i was more compelled to lie about things.
011. Coffee, energy drinks etc. have no effect on me. No positive effect anyway. This could become a problem in the future when I need to stay awake.
012. I'm a pretty mild-mannered guy until it comes to people who can't park or who park like assholes. I have stickered, vandalized, had towed and called these "drivers" douche bags to their faces. If you drive, learn to park.
013. Related to above. I rage out in small doses. While driving or at people who wonder about Red Bull not being red, but pay not attention to the fact that no bulls are involved in its brewing process. This behavior sometimes leads to me having no reaction at things I should be pissed about.
014. Every few months, my dad says this thing to me in Farsi, which roughly translated means, "Be a dog, but don't be the youngest son." - It's what he was told when he was younger. I'm starting to believe him.
015. Never really been afraid of the dark. Been terrified of Ninjas and Clowns. Ninjas when I was younger; clowns now and forever.
016. I have a very constant and persistent need to know things. Doesn't matter what it's about. I would just rather know than not know.
017. Currently, there is a hoodie that I really want. It's kind of ugly, but in a cool way. Like Pharrell from N.E.R.D. It's 110 dollars but that's not the real issue. The problem is its from Aritzia.
018. I don't like to touch doorbells or bars of soap as both are disgusting.
019. Maturity: Knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom: Knowing you'll be an idiot in the future. Common Sense: Knowing to not be an idiot in the present. - I am truly mature and wise.
020. I need more guy friends.
21. Sometimes my endearingly misguided ways can quickly turn into disturbingly malicious, which isn't as much fun for everyone else. Still, fun for me. Sometimes half full is the best you can get.
Alright, screw it! Jay-Z wins. He's got way more problems than I do. Hope he chokes on one of them.
zQ
001. Bitches. You win Jay-Z, a bitch isn't your problem, but bitches are my problem. Dude, you're the only person on this planet who doesn't have bitch problems. Bitches have bitch problems. Gay dudes have bitch problems. Silk worms have bitch problems. You're a bastard.
002. I think the guy from the Offspring video, Pretty Fly is kinda cool. He has hydraulics on his car! HYDRAULICS!!
003. My laptop went to HP for repairs for a month and I forgot what it looked then until I got it back. I think I may have possibly actually perhaps felt a tiny twang of guilt about it.
004. In my mind, excessive/abusive amounts of physical activity solves most problems or at the very least makes you completely unaware of the repercussions.
005. I like to read webcomics about topics I'm really not into. I'm currently reading a webcomic about indie kids. I didn't even know what an indie kid was until I started reading it. Indie kids don't like My Chemical Romance. I don't either. Common Ground.
006. Something everyone can relate to. I'm broke. I earn steady monies and I'm broke most of the time. What the fu*k?!?
007. When I mention anything about my self-esteem, friends reply, "what self esteem?". This doesn't mix well with my gigantic ego.
008. I have pretty shit short term memory. Which admittedly is hilarious and convenient at times, but still is kind of a pain.
009. Once every few weeks, I lose my bed to my laundry. This time it's gotten out of hand. I've been sleeping on my floor for like a month now.
010. I can lie really damn well. I just don't feel compelled to all that often. I can also be really damn honest. I wish i was more compelled to lie about things.
011. Coffee, energy drinks etc. have no effect on me. No positive effect anyway. This could become a problem in the future when I need to stay awake.
012. I'm a pretty mild-mannered guy until it comes to people who can't park or who park like assholes. I have stickered, vandalized, had towed and called these "drivers" douche bags to their faces. If you drive, learn to park.
013. Related to above. I rage out in small doses. While driving or at people who wonder about Red Bull not being red, but pay not attention to the fact that no bulls are involved in its brewing process. This behavior sometimes leads to me having no reaction at things I should be pissed about.
014. Every few months, my dad says this thing to me in Farsi, which roughly translated means, "Be a dog, but don't be the youngest son." - It's what he was told when he was younger. I'm starting to believe him.
015. Never really been afraid of the dark. Been terrified of Ninjas and Clowns. Ninjas when I was younger; clowns now and forever.
016. I have a very constant and persistent need to know things. Doesn't matter what it's about. I would just rather know than not know.
017. Currently, there is a hoodie that I really want. It's kind of ugly, but in a cool way. Like Pharrell from N.E.R.D. It's 110 dollars but that's not the real issue. The problem is its from Aritzia.
018. I don't like to touch doorbells or bars of soap as both are disgusting.
019. Maturity: Knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom: Knowing you'll be an idiot in the future. Common Sense: Knowing to not be an idiot in the present. - I am truly mature and wise.
020. I need more guy friends.
21. Sometimes my endearingly misguided ways can quickly turn into disturbingly malicious, which isn't as much fun for everyone else. Still, fun for me. Sometimes half full is the best you can get.
Alright, screw it! Jay-Z wins. He's got way more problems than I do. Hope he chokes on one of them.
zQ
September 11, 2008
123rd - A free penny
Don't say I didn't warn you.
- Premature Blogulation. Unplanned, random ass blog about nothing.
- I was meant to be a Mongol warlord. Genghis Kahn would be my pen pal. We'd exchange stories of our raping and pillaging. I would invent video recording devices.
- I promise to do my best to try and not use too many cuss words when I talk about you to my shrink or throw in stories about you killing puppies because their eyeballs are the secret ingredient in your cupcakes.
- My kind of Girl: The girly, pretty firebreathing hellbitch type.
- "Ass-Faggoty" and "Ass-Faggotry" are fun words.
- Shoppers Drug Mart: Shampoo, Conditioner, Body Wash, Toothpaste, Deodorant, One Loofah. 57.62. What the fu*k?!?! When did hygiene become so expensive. Why Shoppers Drug Mart? For the Optimum Points. Did I have my points card? No.
- That very pretty GTR I almost dry-humped the other day turned out to be my sister's boss's. Don't give me that look! You would have one leg up in the air before you realized what you were about to do too.
- "The bees are trying to have sex with the birds. As is my understanding." Hahaha
- I think Asians get the short end of the racism stick. Haha, "short end". I'm funny. Anyway, everyone is racist towards them in good ways. "You're good at math, aren't ya?" or, "They study hard and respect their parents."or my favorite [which links in nicely with the opening, "tiny and efficient." What do I get? "He's probably got a bomb strapped to his chest under that coat." or "I bet his house smells like Dosas." At least stuff about us is bad so when we do good stuff, people are surprised. When you guys do good stuff, people are completely indifferent about it. "You're Asian. What do you want, a medal?"
- Ink costs pennies a gallon! How the hell do these companies have the balls to charge fifty-two bucks for a plastic container with an ounce and a half of ink inside?!?! Theres a 128 ounces in a gallon! PENNIES!!
- I'm reprioritizing my priorities. I need to kill a hooker. Fast. I feel it's holding me back from the rest of my life. There's life to be had.
- If my brain was the way it is now when I was younger, just more reckless, I wouldn't have survived childhood. Several incidents would indicate I didn't. God Damnit!! They had me cloned! This explains why I'm the shortest one. Clones tend to not be as tall/big as the originals and I'm probably like the seventh or eighth one. Those graves in the family lot with my name on them are also a tipoff. I'm like Michelle's stupid goldfish. I'll never die. His name was Marten.
- I don't have OCD. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I just have the mild bit of OCD that everyone has. You know who has some serious OCD: The Joker.
- Gay people can call each other "homos" and "fags" because that's their thing. Black people can call each other "niggers" and its apparently cool. White people can call each other "cracker" and its cool. What terms do I have for my people that others can't use [well, shouldn't use]? "Camel Fu*ker' and "Turbanator"? What the hell, people? Come up with some better derogatory terms for us. Oh, there's also "dot-head" and "terrorist". Three of those don't even apply to my kind. Real creative. I demand some cleverer things to be offended about being called.
Now, by my math [I've already consulted with my Asian friends], I gave you one penny for free and provided you like $76.53 worth of thought. You owe me $76.52 and tips.
zQ
- Premature Blogulation. Unplanned, random ass blog about nothing.
- I was meant to be a Mongol warlord. Genghis Kahn would be my pen pal. We'd exchange stories of our raping and pillaging. I would invent video recording devices.
- I promise to do my best to try and not use too many cuss words when I talk about you to my shrink or throw in stories about you killing puppies because their eyeballs are the secret ingredient in your cupcakes.
- My kind of Girl: The girly, pretty firebreathing hellbitch type.
- "Ass-Faggoty" and "Ass-Faggotry" are fun words.
- Shoppers Drug Mart: Shampoo, Conditioner, Body Wash, Toothpaste, Deodorant, One Loofah. 57.62. What the fu*k?!?! When did hygiene become so expensive. Why Shoppers Drug Mart? For the Optimum Points. Did I have my points card? No.
- That very pretty GTR I almost dry-humped the other day turned out to be my sister's boss's. Don't give me that look! You would have one leg up in the air before you realized what you were about to do too.
- "The bees are trying to have sex with the birds. As is my understanding." Hahaha
- I think Asians get the short end of the racism stick. Haha, "short end". I'm funny. Anyway, everyone is racist towards them in good ways. "You're good at math, aren't ya?" or, "They study hard and respect their parents."or my favorite [which links in nicely with the opening, "tiny and efficient." What do I get? "He's probably got a bomb strapped to his chest under that coat." or "I bet his house smells like Dosas." At least stuff about us is bad so when we do good stuff, people are surprised. When you guys do good stuff, people are completely indifferent about it. "You're Asian. What do you want, a medal?"
- Ink costs pennies a gallon! How the hell do these companies have the balls to charge fifty-two bucks for a plastic container with an ounce and a half of ink inside?!?! Theres a 128 ounces in a gallon! PENNIES!!
- I'm reprioritizing my priorities. I need to kill a hooker. Fast. I feel it's holding me back from the rest of my life. There's life to be had.
- If my brain was the way it is now when I was younger, just more reckless, I wouldn't have survived childhood. Several incidents would indicate I didn't. God Damnit!! They had me cloned! This explains why I'm the shortest one. Clones tend to not be as tall/big as the originals and I'm probably like the seventh or eighth one. Those graves in the family lot with my name on them are also a tipoff. I'm like Michelle's stupid goldfish. I'll never die. His name was Marten.
- I don't have OCD. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I just have the mild bit of OCD that everyone has. You know who has some serious OCD: The Joker.
- Gay people can call each other "homos" and "fags" because that's their thing. Black people can call each other "niggers" and its apparently cool. White people can call each other "cracker" and its cool. What terms do I have for my people that others can't use [well, shouldn't use]? "Camel Fu*ker' and "Turbanator"? What the hell, people? Come up with some better derogatory terms for us. Oh, there's also "dot-head" and "terrorist". Three of those don't even apply to my kind. Real creative. I demand some cleverer things to be offended about being called.
Now, by my math [I've already consulted with my Asian friends], I gave you one penny for free and provided you like $76.53 worth of thought. You owe me $76.52 and tips.
zQ
122nd - Rapermail
Today is a weird day for email. I just finished torturing my bestest buddy in the whole universe. Yes, even better than you, Other. In which I rapped for a few verses. Rap Gods have all lost their boy parts [note: I didn't say they have girl parts, just misplaced their boy parts] and are unable to smite me. Bitches. Also worth mentioning, this email was Subjected, "Rapemail", Half way through I realized what it possibly said and changed the Subject line. However painful that was for her to read- again, I'm really sorry - It did not prepare me for this.
I get this email from a friend of mine. I won't mention who but I'm pretty sure everyone will figure it out pretty damn quickly. She's an angry sort of gothicky, emotionally devoid [weird Asian Robot upbringing] evil bitch, who likes some boy named Simba or Kimba or something, type with a constant chip on her shoulder about being an accountant. Anyway, she sends me this email.
She made some excuse about being depressed and whatnot when I questioned her about this. I'll paste her defense.
"i included you in the fwd b/c i knew you'd get a kick out of it
i dont much like mickey etc or the mushy scene, i do like the leaf umbrella tho
also, my friends need cheering up... they're all stressed from watcase.
and it did cheer them up (one sent heartfelt thanks)
and i dont know why you mentioned that boy in there -_-
btw, i dont think the picture is all that cute
again, nice msg to my friends
and the "aww so cute... " bit i didnt even write =p
it was from the person who fwded to me
i just left it there cuz i like the leaf umbrella"
The end is nigh!! Stupid French/Swiss. Leave to you to void out all existence. I regret nothing! Well, I regret lots of things but I'm sure as Hell not going to discuss it here. I'm sure me and God will have plenty of time to discuss the things I regret and the things I don't that I should once this is all over which looks like it's going to be sooner than later.
WTF?!?!
Be good.
zQ
p.s. I have no rights to this picture. so, if the owner comes along, we're very sorry but you should know this thing is being emailed around like no business. you should be pissed at them, not me - and that we'll take it down if you say so.
--------------------------------------------------
aww so cute.... i want a leaf umbrella too!
YOU HAVE HOWEVER MUCH TIME YOU (but the sooner the better) TO TELL YOUR
FRIENDS THAT YOU LOVE THEM! GO!
Life is short and time is a thief.
Live like you have no tomorrow!
FRIENDS THAT YOU LOVE THEM! GO!
Life is short and time is a thief.
Live like you have no tomorrow!
--------------------------------------------------
I get this email from a friend of mine. I won't mention who but I'm pretty sure everyone will figure it out pretty damn quickly. She's an angry sort of gothicky, emotionally devoid [weird Asian Robot upbringing] evil bitch, who likes some boy named Simba or Kimba or something, type with a constant chip on her shoulder about being an accountant. Anyway, she sends me this email.
She made some excuse about being depressed and whatnot when I questioned her about this. I'll paste her defense.
"i included you in the fwd b/c i knew you'd get a kick out of it
i dont much like mickey etc or the mushy scene, i do like the leaf umbrella tho
also, my friends need cheering up... they're all stressed from watcase.
and it did cheer them up (one sent heartfelt thanks)
and i dont know why you mentioned that boy in there -_-
btw, i dont think the picture is all that cute
again, nice msg to my friends
and the "aww so cute... " bit i didnt even write =p
it was from the person who fwded to me
i just left it there cuz i like the leaf umbrella"
The end is nigh!! Stupid French/Swiss. Leave to you to void out all existence. I regret nothing! Well, I regret lots of things but I'm sure as Hell not going to discuss it here. I'm sure me and God will have plenty of time to discuss the things I regret and the things I don't that I should once this is all over which looks like it's going to be sooner than later.
WTF?!?!
Be good.
zQ
p.s. I have no rights to this picture. so, if the owner comes along, we're very sorry but you should know this thing is being emailed around like no business. you should be pissed at them, not me - and that we'll take it down if you say so.
August 28, 2008
121st - The Boy Blog
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!! I still have to get him something and have no idea what that could be. Also, it was Iqbal's birthday yesterday. I already got him something.
I woke up this morning and found I had a bit of time on my hands and not much to do. Well, much to do but not much I was willing to do. So I got ready and spent a little more time than normal on the morning routine. You know, did everything carefully, didn't rush anything, took my time, paid attention to detail. I'm driving to work and it hits me. In all my carefulness and detailing, I forgot to brush my teeth. DAMNIT!! Luckily, I keep a spare tooth brush, but still. All that hard work for nothing.
Alright, so I'm going to discuss something boy-related, The Guy Code. This is kind of the like The Bro Code. Well, actually, it's exactly like that. We all know the basics so here are some of the more random ones and some I just don't plain agree with.
"You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan."
This is pretty straight forward and requires no commentary on my part however, If that cat is a two headed ugly monstrosity that smokes a pack of Guerrero Blacks, then you can probably gloat and have people buy you drinks. Just don't wear it over your head.
"If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: if during the past 24 hours your friends actions have caused you to think "what this guy needs is a good ass wuppin", in which case you may refrain from getting involved and stand back and enjoy."
Oh, Alan. You fat stupid pervert. You so had that wuppin coming.
"If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manor that gives you no chances of getting any either."
I'm half in half about this one.
"An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year"
Seriously!! Don't celebrate every month you've managed to do what you've been doing for five years! Happy 36th Month Anniversary, BABY!! - wait. that one works.
"A man's shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body."
I'm going to go ahead and have to disagree with this one. You'll find, a lot of the Guy/Bro code was initially developed by those guys. You know the ones I'm talking about and although, they provided a good foundation, this is the new age and changes to suit the times must be made. Good dress sense is important.
"Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DON’T wear whitey tightys. It still escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult sizes."
AGREED!! What the hell people? If you feel you still need the support a preschooler needs, boxer briefs. However, whitey tightys under swimming trunks are acceptable for obvious reasons. Side note - Boxer briefs can achieve the desired affect as well.
"If you jiggle more than twice, your playing with it."
Hehe. It doesn't need to explained but you guys have seen it in public bathrooms where someone is jiggling just a little bit too much or just a bit too enthusiastically. Don't do it.
"Thou shalt not make make eye contact during a Devil’s Three-way"
It also goes without saying that ass-grabbing to, "feel the rhythm" is also not permitted. Also
rhythm is pretty damned impossible to spell.
"Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl’s wildly unattractive cousin / friend / mother."
It's a pretty obvious one but it needs to be said, just to remind people, that if you're ever wondering why that dude is hitting on the whale, check for her best friend and who's hitting on her. Don't be so hasty to judge.
I think that's enough rules. My most masculine blog yet. Yes, I'm aware the fact that I draw attention to it being a manly blog only takes away from it. Shut up.
This was a decent filler blog, no?
Be good.
zQ
I woke up this morning and found I had a bit of time on my hands and not much to do. Well, much to do but not much I was willing to do. So I got ready and spent a little more time than normal on the morning routine. You know, did everything carefully, didn't rush anything, took my time, paid attention to detail. I'm driving to work and it hits me. In all my carefulness and detailing, I forgot to brush my teeth. DAMNIT!! Luckily, I keep a spare tooth brush, but still. All that hard work for nothing.
Alright, so I'm going to discuss something boy-related, The Guy Code. This is kind of the like The Bro Code. Well, actually, it's exactly like that. We all know the basics so here are some of the more random ones and some I just don't plain agree with.
"You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan."
This is pretty straight forward and requires no commentary on my part however, If that cat is a two headed ugly monstrosity that smokes a pack of Guerrero Blacks, then you can probably gloat and have people buy you drinks. Just don't wear it over your head.
"If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: if during the past 24 hours your friends actions have caused you to think "what this guy needs is a good ass wuppin", in which case you may refrain from getting involved and stand back and enjoy."
Oh, Alan. You fat stupid pervert. You so had that wuppin coming.
"If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manor that gives you no chances of getting any either."
I'm half in half about this one.
"An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year"
Seriously!! Don't celebrate every month you've managed to do what you've been doing for five years! Happy 36th Month Anniversary, BABY!! - wait. that one works.
"A man's shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body."
I'm going to go ahead and have to disagree with this one. You'll find, a lot of the Guy/Bro code was initially developed by those guys. You know the ones I'm talking about and although, they provided a good foundation, this is the new age and changes to suit the times must be made. Good dress sense is important.
"Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DON’T wear whitey tightys. It still escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult sizes."
AGREED!! What the hell people? If you feel you still need the support a preschooler needs, boxer briefs. However, whitey tightys under swimming trunks are acceptable for obvious reasons. Side note - Boxer briefs can achieve the desired affect as well.
"If you jiggle more than twice, your playing with it."
Hehe. It doesn't need to explained but you guys have seen it in public bathrooms where someone is jiggling just a little bit too much or just a bit too enthusiastically. Don't do it.
"Thou shalt not make make eye contact during a Devil’s Three-way"
It also goes without saying that ass-grabbing to, "feel the rhythm" is also not permitted. Also
rhythm is pretty damned impossible to spell.
"Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl’s wildly unattractive cousin / friend / mother."
It's a pretty obvious one but it needs to be said, just to remind people, that if you're ever wondering why that dude is hitting on the whale, check for her best friend and who's hitting on her. Don't be so hasty to judge.
I think that's enough rules. My most masculine blog yet. Yes, I'm aware the fact that I draw attention to it being a manly blog only takes away from it. Shut up.
This was a decent filler blog, no?
Be good.
zQ
August 20, 2008
120th - Andy, read this Blog!
Nadia enters her room.
Momin: *singing* "you're so gay, and you don't even like boys..."*
Nadia: Is that Andy's song?
Me: Wow, Nadia. That was cold. Andy just got burnt from thousands of kilometers away.
This happened a few weeks ago while me and Mome were trying to install a new door knob and discovering how there are way to many "That's what she said!" jokes to be had in such an event, and it was way too funny to not write about. Andy got punked and he wasn't even here for it. At least you know we still think about you.
I was bored and rifling through facebook photos. You'll note that when I get really really REALLY bored and have eliminated all other options of entertainment/time pass, I go through facebook albums and comment on people's photos. I feel compelled to share this with you. Coloured contacts look awful! I mean, you could be a very pretty girl with nice everything and then we get your eyes and see these blue, zombie dead eyes staring at you and you're suddenly wishing that The great of Sauron would appear because it's less frightening [and lively looking] and it ruins everything. Who do you think is falling for it? Also, why is there such an opposition to brown eyes? Because they're a common eye colour? That makes looking like the undead more desirable? I think it's far more impressive to have someone think you have pretty brown eyes than say, "Oh my GOD! You have little squinty eyes! [Ellen Pompeo] That's so pretty! They've blue!" If you have nice blue/green/gray/non-brown eyes, that's awesome but it sucks for you because however pretty your eyes may be, most of the credit will go to them being a non-brown colour and nothing else. Also, just because you have pretty eyes, doesn't mean you're attractive. It means you have an attractive feature.
This is for everyone who gets annoyed with Bikers on the road. - The other day, I was downtown and was walking to Mr. Sub to get me some foodstuffs. The light turns green and walk signal chimes up and I, along with all my fellow pedestrians start walking. The dude on the bike [who once on the road is to subject to vehicle laws since it's considered a vehicle], decides that normal vehicle road laws don't apply to him and decides to make his right turn [which cars normally have to wait to make if there are people crossing the road] and sees a 2 foot gap between me and the person in front of me and goes for it. In doing so, he clips with his handle bar and then with his pedal. Then he looks back and decides to keep pedaling. Before I went out, I managed to grab the back of him and pull him the hell off his bike. So he fell and his shit fell all over the floor, including his new iPhone. He gets up all pissed off and shit and looks at me, yelling and swearing. "Do you have eye balls? You hit me, dick." People are watching. He continues being pissed that I pull him off his bike. And then it hit me - the reason Bikers shouldn't be allowed on the street or be considered/treated as vehicles. As someone who drives a hell lot and someone who pays way too much for insurance and someone who has two friends being sued for ridiculous amounts of money for run-ins with bikers on the road, the reasons Bikers should not be allowed on roads or treated/considered as vehicles is because they don't have insurance [or licenses]. Everything else on the road has insurance. When we make a mistake or do something stupid, we're liable and we have insurance to pay for anything we're responsible for. Bikers however, don't have insurance or are licensed. Initially I thought I was just a little bruised up, but yesterday I found out [which is kind of sad that I didn't notice this sooner] that one of my teeth is busted and will be needing Dental attention. Since I don't have dental insurance through work/school/etc, it's going to cost me a few hundred bucks out of my pocket. Now, if this was the case where I was in my car and I hit him and he needed dental care, I would have to pay for it, or my insurance company would.
Dental plans are fucking expensive. I was looking at plans because I think I should get one and they're like 100 bucks a month. I don't get 1200 dollars worth of dental work done in a year. And they don't even cover all of it. They only cover up to 85 percent. If anyone has any suggestions/advice, please help. So far, I'm looking at Blue Cross as the winner. Dental/Drugs/Travel/Hospital etc for 140 a month. Also, turns out everyone in my house has coverage but me. ?
People with Rogers/Fido iPhone. Beware! You're being bent over and don't even realize it. Make sure you've covered your bases in regards to the data plans/usage. It's happening to a lot of people and it's a huge hassle. I hate you Rogers. Although, I'm cool with Ted.
Yesterday, along with finding out my tooth is busted - I also found out I have an inner ear infection. Both of these things on the right side. These two things together result in the right side of my face to be in constant pain with the occasional sharp pain in my ear. I also can't do that ear popping thing because it hurts like a bitch. I should note this isn't something I do very often but now that I know I shouldn't, I can't stop doing it. Every time I do it, I end up wincing in pain.
In conclusion, be nice to me and visit!
Be good.
zQ
Momin: *singing* "you're so gay, and you don't even like boys..."*
Nadia: Is that Andy's song?
Me: Wow, Nadia. That was cold. Andy just got burnt from thousands of kilometers away.
This happened a few weeks ago while me and Mome were trying to install a new door knob and discovering how there are way to many "That's what she said!" jokes to be had in such an event, and it was way too funny to not write about. Andy got punked and he wasn't even here for it. At least you know we still think about you.
I was bored and rifling through facebook photos. You'll note that when I get really really REALLY bored and have eliminated all other options of entertainment/time pass, I go through facebook albums and comment on people's photos. I feel compelled to share this with you. Coloured contacts look awful! I mean, you could be a very pretty girl with nice everything and then we get your eyes and see these blue, zombie dead eyes staring at you and you're suddenly wishing that The great of Sauron would appear because it's less frightening [and lively looking] and it ruins everything. Who do you think is falling for it? Also, why is there such an opposition to brown eyes? Because they're a common eye colour? That makes looking like the undead more desirable? I think it's far more impressive to have someone think you have pretty brown eyes than say, "Oh my GOD! You have little squinty eyes! [Ellen Pompeo] That's so pretty! They've blue!" If you have nice blue/green/gray/non-brown eyes, that's awesome but it sucks for you because however pretty your eyes may be, most of the credit will go to them being a non-brown colour and nothing else. Also, just because you have pretty eyes, doesn't mean you're attractive. It means you have an attractive feature.
This is for everyone who gets annoyed with Bikers on the road. - The other day, I was downtown and was walking to Mr. Sub to get me some foodstuffs. The light turns green and walk signal chimes up and I, along with all my fellow pedestrians start walking. The dude on the bike [who once on the road is to subject to vehicle laws since it's considered a vehicle], decides that normal vehicle road laws don't apply to him and decides to make his right turn [which cars normally have to wait to make if there are people crossing the road] and sees a 2 foot gap between me and the person in front of me and goes for it. In doing so, he clips with his handle bar and then with his pedal. Then he looks back and decides to keep pedaling. Before I went out, I managed to grab the back of him and pull him the hell off his bike. So he fell and his shit fell all over the floor, including his new iPhone. He gets up all pissed off and shit and looks at me, yelling and swearing. "Do you have eye balls? You hit me, dick." People are watching. He continues being pissed that I pull him off his bike. And then it hit me - the reason Bikers shouldn't be allowed on the street or be considered/treated as vehicles. As someone who drives a hell lot and someone who pays way too much for insurance and someone who has two friends being sued for ridiculous amounts of money for run-ins with bikers on the road, the reasons Bikers should not be allowed on roads or treated/considered as vehicles is because they don't have insurance [or licenses]. Everything else on the road has insurance. When we make a mistake or do something stupid, we're liable and we have insurance to pay for anything we're responsible for. Bikers however, don't have insurance or are licensed. Initially I thought I was just a little bruised up, but yesterday I found out [which is kind of sad that I didn't notice this sooner] that one of my teeth is busted and will be needing Dental attention. Since I don't have dental insurance through work/school/etc, it's going to cost me a few hundred bucks out of my pocket. Now, if this was the case where I was in my car and I hit him and he needed dental care, I would have to pay for it, or my insurance company would.
Dental plans are fucking expensive. I was looking at plans because I think I should get one and they're like 100 bucks a month. I don't get 1200 dollars worth of dental work done in a year. And they don't even cover all of it. They only cover up to 85 percent. If anyone has any suggestions/advice, please help. So far, I'm looking at Blue Cross as the winner. Dental/Drugs/Travel/Hospital etc for 140 a month. Also, turns out everyone in my house has coverage but me. ?
People with Rogers/Fido iPhone. Beware! You're being bent over and don't even realize it. Make sure you've covered your bases in regards to the data plans/usage. It's happening to a lot of people and it's a huge hassle. I hate you Rogers. Although, I'm cool with Ted.
Yesterday, along with finding out my tooth is busted - I also found out I have an inner ear infection. Both of these things on the right side. These two things together result in the right side of my face to be in constant pain with the occasional sharp pain in my ear. I also can't do that ear popping thing because it hurts like a bitch. I should note this isn't something I do very often but now that I know I shouldn't, I can't stop doing it. Every time I do it, I end up wincing in pain.
In conclusion, be nice to me and visit!
Be good.
zQ
August 18, 2008
119th - Be Immortal in my World
Those were the words in my brain when I woke up this morning. Followed quickly by, "Ow. My leg hurts." Which incidentally turned out to be the reason I woke up. Dad hit my leg with the door. I should clarify that Kamph um das Bett [The Battle for the Bed] has begun once more and I am on the losing side and therefore sleeping on the floor. Anyway, consult your Dream Dictionaries and what not and figure out what possibly could, "Be immortal in my world." mean. It seems like I was offering to turn someone into a vampire.
Side note - I am very disappointed in the lack of commenting on my previous blog. My blog is wonderful, environmentally friendly machine that runs on props. That and I actually asked a serious question that I needed some help with. Way to help out a guy in need. I'll remember this next time you need your computer fixed or some shit.
I can hear someone clipping their fingernails in the next room. I hate cutting my nails. It's such a ghastly feeling and a hassle to boot. Which reminds me, that photo from Tennessee hasn't cropped up yet. If it has, I'm yet to stumble upon it. Meh.
Tims run was made. A bagel, a vanilla parfait and a cold bottle of Bawls was had and my stomach is happy. The Bawls bottles are shiny and glimmery now. Either that or I've been drinking old Bawls all this time. Haha. That sounds wrong. Fresh Bawls is always preferred. Man, I wish that Red Bull chick was here. I'd hit her.
Someone who's skilled in Facebook, explain this to me. Why does Facebook think I am dying to know what everyone who has ever read Choke by Chuck Palahniuk thinks about it. Everyone time someone reviews that damn book, I get an email saying, So-in-So has reviewed Choke. What the hell? Yes, I have the bookshelf application but guess what, there are other books on that list. Tons MORE! Leave me the hell alone. I don't know who Keith is and couldn't give a shit less about what he thought of Chuck's book! Fu*k you Keith!
I'm angry now. I'm quitting this blog for the day. I'm gonna go. Eat some Lucky Charms. Regroup. Try again later.
Be good.
zQ
p.s. Parents who check odometers are vindictive.
Side note - I am very disappointed in the lack of commenting on my previous blog. My blog is wonderful, environmentally friendly machine that runs on props. That and I actually asked a serious question that I needed some help with. Way to help out a guy in need. I'll remember this next time you need your computer fixed or some shit.
I can hear someone clipping their fingernails in the next room. I hate cutting my nails. It's such a ghastly feeling and a hassle to boot. Which reminds me, that photo from Tennessee hasn't cropped up yet. If it has, I'm yet to stumble upon it. Meh.
Tims run was made. A bagel, a vanilla parfait and a cold bottle of Bawls was had and my stomach is happy. The Bawls bottles are shiny and glimmery now. Either that or I've been drinking old Bawls all this time. Haha. That sounds wrong. Fresh Bawls is always preferred. Man, I wish that Red Bull chick was here. I'd hit her.
Someone who's skilled in Facebook, explain this to me. Why does Facebook think I am dying to know what everyone who has ever read Choke by Chuck Palahniuk thinks about it. Everyone time someone reviews that damn book, I get an email saying, So-in-So has reviewed Choke. What the hell? Yes, I have the bookshelf application but guess what, there are other books on that list. Tons MORE! Leave me the hell alone. I don't know who Keith is and couldn't give a shit less about what he thought of Chuck's book! Fu*k you Keith!
I'm angry now. I'm quitting this blog for the day. I'm gonna go. Eat some Lucky Charms. Regroup. Try again later.
Be good.
zQ
p.s. Parents who check odometers are vindictive.
August 11, 2008
118th - $3.98
I got bored and counted. I have thirty-seven dollars and forty-five cents in my car ash tray, half of which is not toonies and loonies. I do believe this calls for a Tim Hortons run.
A lot of people know this about me, but I'm going to mention my habit of giving cashiers arbitrary amounts of change with bills to make the whole process more confusing. This works especially well when you hang them the bills first and then hand them the coins right after they've punched in the amount of the bills. Then they try to figure it out themselves. If you're daring, while they're working that out, say, "Oh, sorry. I messed that up." and hand them a nickel with two additional pennies. Sevens confuse people.
Feeling much better now that a Tim Hortons run has been made and as I sit here snacking on my delicious Vanilla Parfait, I'm thinking to myself that Mome and Shivs can suck it. Shiv because there is no Tim Hortons where she comes from and Momin because he makes fun of me about liking Vanilla Parfaits. They're delicious. Deal with it. Oh, I also got a plain bagel, half toasted with herd and garlic cream cheese.
Lately, I've been getting the feeling everyone is a little down about something. Currently, I am feeling pukey and the left side of my abdomen hurts. Also, strange Taste of Danforth food causes diarrhea. Put all these together and you have the recipe for a not-all-that-happy camper. Others are perhaps going through more meaningful bouts of depression or are just gassy. It really makes people all sad and pissy. But yeah, I've been noticing it. Everyone is a little down about something or another. Except for Momin who was over joyed at the explosion yesterday morning at Keele & Wilson.
On a brighter note, tonight is a Batman Begins night! Mostly since my sister, Hadia - Who you may remember from such events as: The birth of Bigby, The Levis Incident and How to be Unreasonably late to your own Birthday party in your own house while at Home - hasn't seen it. Which is in turn thwarting my attempts to go see Dark Knight for the fifth time since it has been decreed my next viewing will be with her. By the by, if you guys haven't already, go check out Gotham Knight. Think Animatrix but for Batman. It's not great, especially compared to Batman Begins and Dark Knight but it'll fill that craving for more Batman. Plus the animations are at the very least respectable.
Side note, a dollar goes to whomever figured out the what $3.98 in the title is about.
Is it wrong to setup a friend for something you're pretty sure they're going to pissed off about when they find out but it promises to be THIS much fun. I mean, sure, this much fun is a given in any situation but the potential of THIS much fun is very attractive. I'm kind of fence sitting on this one, even though I'm fairly sure I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway. I hate these stupid moral obstacles that come up, especially since we all know I deal in temptation and I can't fight my own creeds. Damnit, MAN!!
This came up in conversation the other day. This might come out a little jumbled since I'm barely sure of what the hell I'm trying to say here. If I'm up to something I know to be stupid, but I want some company along the road, is there some sort of moral issue in convincing others to join me since I am doing it with them and not just sending them off to face the stupidity themselves? Do they have the right to be pissed at me if stupidity I had foreseen ensues and someone gets their boot eaten by a shark? Do I have some sort of responsibility towards these people even though I never assumed a leading position, just a suggesting one? - You know, after fifteen tries at making that clear, that's the best I could do. Hope it makes sense.
ADD IN!! I was just speaking to Momes and I figured it out. That whole two paragraphs of garble is boiled down to: Am I responsible for the stupid things people do because I may have possibly suggested them?
Be good.
zQ
p.s. I'm pretty sure that second-last paragraph made no sense to anybody. It was more for me than anything else. Peace, bitches.
A lot of people know this about me, but I'm going to mention my habit of giving cashiers arbitrary amounts of change with bills to make the whole process more confusing. This works especially well when you hang them the bills first and then hand them the coins right after they've punched in the amount of the bills. Then they try to figure it out themselves. If you're daring, while they're working that out, say, "Oh, sorry. I messed that up." and hand them a nickel with two additional pennies. Sevens confuse people.
Feeling much better now that a Tim Hortons run has been made and as I sit here snacking on my delicious Vanilla Parfait, I'm thinking to myself that Mome and Shivs can suck it. Shiv because there is no Tim Hortons where she comes from and Momin because he makes fun of me about liking Vanilla Parfaits. They're delicious. Deal with it. Oh, I also got a plain bagel, half toasted with herd and garlic cream cheese.
Lately, I've been getting the feeling everyone is a little down about something. Currently, I am feeling pukey and the left side of my abdomen hurts. Also, strange Taste of Danforth food causes diarrhea. Put all these together and you have the recipe for a not-all-that-happy camper. Others are perhaps going through more meaningful bouts of depression or are just gassy. It really makes people all sad and pissy. But yeah, I've been noticing it. Everyone is a little down about something or another. Except for Momin who was over joyed at the explosion yesterday morning at Keele & Wilson.
On a brighter note, tonight is a Batman Begins night! Mostly since my sister, Hadia - Who you may remember from such events as: The birth of Bigby, The Levis Incident and How to be Unreasonably late to your own Birthday party in your own house while at Home - hasn't seen it. Which is in turn thwarting my attempts to go see Dark Knight for the fifth time since it has been decreed my next viewing will be with her. By the by, if you guys haven't already, go check out Gotham Knight. Think Animatrix but for Batman. It's not great, especially compared to Batman Begins and Dark Knight but it'll fill that craving for more Batman. Plus the animations are at the very least respectable.
Side note, a dollar goes to whomever figured out the what $3.98 in the title is about.
Is it wrong to setup a friend for something you're pretty sure they're going to pissed off about when they find out but it promises to be THIS much fun. I mean, sure, this much fun is a given in any situation but the potential of THIS much fun is very attractive. I'm kind of fence sitting on this one, even though I'm fairly sure I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway. I hate these stupid moral obstacles that come up, especially since we all know I deal in temptation and I can't fight my own creeds. Damnit, MAN!!
This came up in conversation the other day. This might come out a little jumbled since I'm barely sure of what the hell I'm trying to say here. If I'm up to something I know to be stupid, but I want some company along the road, is there some sort of moral issue in convincing others to join me since I am doing it with them and not just sending them off to face the stupidity themselves? Do they have the right to be pissed at me if stupidity I had foreseen ensues and someone gets their boot eaten by a shark? Do I have some sort of responsibility towards these people even though I never assumed a leading position, just a suggesting one? - You know, after fifteen tries at making that clear, that's the best I could do. Hope it makes sense.
ADD IN!! I was just speaking to Momes and I figured it out. That whole two paragraphs of garble is boiled down to: Am I responsible for the stupid things people do because I may have possibly suggested them?
Be good.
zQ
p.s. I'm pretty sure that second-last paragraph made no sense to anybody. It was more for me than anything else. Peace, bitches.
July 29, 2008
117th - Yes, Momin, I'm a girl. The Shopping Bitch
Does anyone really give a flying ducky how long a clothing company has been in business. It does not improve the quality of your clothes, the style of your clothes is whatever every other store is selling and you look like a pretentious asshole for printing 1996 on all your t-shirts. None of us care that you've been in business six months or since sixteen-fucking-ten. Kudos, if you have been business since 1610, it still does not mean I'm more likely to buy your clothes over the dude who starts in 1996.
What the hell is wrong with the people at Hollister? Have some pride in your work. You don't have to make the store so damn dark that we can't see what we bought until it's been paid for and brought out of the store where people stand just a few feet away from the exit to see what they bought. Is it because you don't think I'm willing to walk right back in and return it once I realize the rip along the left side of my pants makes me look homeless as opposed to cool?
If I buy a pair of jeans for a hundred bucks and then buy the exact same cut of pants from the exact same store at the exact same time in a different colour wash, would it not be safe to assume that it's the same price or at least in the same price range? Then how the hell did guess charge me a hundred bucks for one pair of jeans and then 200 for the second pair in the exact colour. Usually clothing stores offer a discount for the second pair, not the other way around. When I went to return said pants, I was informed that the two hundred dollar monstrocities are "green" jeans, which roughly translated means made out of old jeans. Now, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but: 1-EEWWW 2-Shouldn't they be cheaper? 3-Since when are cotton, wool and polyster bad for the environment? 4-EEEWWWW.
Now to man this up a little. Why is every employee at Best Buy a friggin idiot? If you claim to work in the cameras department why would you try to convince me that a Canon SLR camera is not as good as a Canon point and shoot camera? Idiots. This is why you shop at places that are on commision. At least they make a point to have actual product knowledge.
zQ
p.s. quick and easy. like your MOM!
What the hell is wrong with the people at Hollister? Have some pride in your work. You don't have to make the store so damn dark that we can't see what we bought until it's been paid for and brought out of the store where people stand just a few feet away from the exit to see what they bought. Is it because you don't think I'm willing to walk right back in and return it once I realize the rip along the left side of my pants makes me look homeless as opposed to cool?
If I buy a pair of jeans for a hundred bucks and then buy the exact same cut of pants from the exact same store at the exact same time in a different colour wash, would it not be safe to assume that it's the same price or at least in the same price range? Then how the hell did guess charge me a hundred bucks for one pair of jeans and then 200 for the second pair in the exact colour. Usually clothing stores offer a discount for the second pair, not the other way around. When I went to return said pants, I was informed that the two hundred dollar monstrocities are "green" jeans, which roughly translated means made out of old jeans. Now, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but: 1-EEWWW 2-Shouldn't they be cheaper? 3-Since when are cotton, wool and polyster bad for the environment? 4-EEEWWWW.
Now to man this up a little. Why is every employee at Best Buy a friggin idiot? If you claim to work in the cameras department why would you try to convince me that a Canon SLR camera is not as good as a Canon point and shoot camera? Idiots. This is why you shop at places that are on commision. At least they make a point to have actual product knowledge.
zQ
p.s. quick and easy. like your MOM!
July 15, 2008
116th - Big Boy Pants
I had my Blond Moment of the Day pretty early today. I was shaking my Star Bucks Frappacino [Shaking it well, I might add], when I realized my swing was a little wild and geographically too close to my face. Right after this realization, I hit myself in the face with the bottle. I think there's going to be a bruise.
Technically, I first sold out when I bought the iPhone a few months ago. Now I've officially sold out by buying an iPod. I wanted like a 40gb one but those don't exist anymore so instead now I have 80GBs in which to store my MASSIVE digital music collection [which is now somewhere near fifteen entire giga-bytes]. In conclusion, you win Steve Jobs. You're a bad person. I would like some explanation to one thing though. I like the new non-shiny and non-gross front side, which isn't as prone to finger prints but why is it that after six generations of iPods, Apple still doesn't realize that nobody likes the damn chrome on that back. My iPod is less than three days old [most of that time was spent in it's box and sitting on my table since I didn't get a chance to really play with it] and the back of it looks like I sandpapered it. Only people like Judy could keep this thing looking new. For those of you who don't know Judy, she is among those people who leave the protective stickers on their electronics years after they've been outdated.
A few days later - It's the following week to be exact that I'm now continueing this. You'll be glad to know, I got a very minor bruise which is now gone. *glee*
NOT A SPOILER - Holy cRAP! Dark Knight was INSANE! I think everyone I know has seen it by now except for Ani [who sucks], Judy [who has no sense of urgency] and Shiv [who lives in one of the richest areas of the world but still aren't important enough to get good movies on time] and Anoop [same reason as Shiv]. Me, Momes and Amaan went to go see the midnight show. We showed up at around 9pm and were like 50th in line. Amaan wanted to come at like 11. Once we got seated and were waiting, I hear this, "So, I can't beleive that Red Bull isn't red!". It's also not made of Bulls but that seemed of little concern to you, did it?!?! I was pretty sure my ears were going to start bleeding.
Now for serious talk. If you don't care about the inner workings of my life, feel free to skip this paragraph. One: I'm getting the distinct feeling that I'm being ex-ed out by certain people. I don't really care all that much because it makes any potential exodus I may make much easier but I'm failing to see a reasoning for it, which is what concerned me. Am I being ex-ed out on a set of false assumptions or have I done something to offend that I am unaware of. I've never been subject of such a bitch-move before. Two: I haven't been sleeping well these past few weeks. I can't come up with any reasoning for this. My sleep habits had been getting gradually better. I was also informed that my "Weird Factor" as it's elegantly called by Nomi, could be directly related to my sleep patterns. Now this brings up a whole new line of questioning. If my sleep patterns change, will my personality change. Will I like the new me I'll become without much choice or do I chose to continue as I am in hopes of retaining who I am. What to do? And so on and so forth. Three. As many of you know, I've had a theory these past few months that has been harping at me for some time. I have a feeling we're going to find out that I'm not just imagining it in the next few months. Now, moving along.
Sunday morning, I had the distinct impression that someone had killed me during my brief sleep. I woke up to find that I couldn't feel most of my body and then went on to discover that my head was turned 100ish degrees. I didn't know my head could do that. It hurt. It still hurts.
It occurred to me this weekend, I never threw my Socks Party or my Challenge Day or did the Qlympics thing or use my Wonderland Season Pass even once [I haven't even gotten the ID made. Maybe I should just sell it off, no?]. I'm depressed now. I'm going to go get an everything bagel with garlic cream cheese and a Vanilla parfait.
Be good.
zQ
p.s. If you have any of my books/comics/movies/clothes/etc, I'd like them back please.
Technically, I first sold out when I bought the iPhone a few months ago. Now I've officially sold out by buying an iPod. I wanted like a 40gb one but those don't exist anymore so instead now I have 80GBs in which to store my MASSIVE digital music collection [which is now somewhere near fifteen entire giga-bytes]. In conclusion, you win Steve Jobs. You're a bad person. I would like some explanation to one thing though. I like the new non-shiny and non-gross front side, which isn't as prone to finger prints but why is it that after six generations of iPods, Apple still doesn't realize that nobody likes the damn chrome on that back. My iPod is less than three days old [most of that time was spent in it's box and sitting on my table since I didn't get a chance to really play with it] and the back of it looks like I sandpapered it. Only people like Judy could keep this thing looking new. For those of you who don't know Judy, she is among those people who leave the protective stickers on their electronics years after they've been outdated.
A few days later - It's the following week to be exact that I'm now continueing this. You'll be glad to know, I got a very minor bruise which is now gone. *glee*
NOT A SPOILER - Holy cRAP! Dark Knight was INSANE! I think everyone I know has seen it by now except for Ani [who sucks], Judy [who has no sense of urgency] and Shiv [who lives in one of the richest areas of the world but still aren't important enough to get good movies on time] and Anoop [same reason as Shiv]. Me, Momes and Amaan went to go see the midnight show. We showed up at around 9pm and were like 50th in line. Amaan wanted to come at like 11. Once we got seated and were waiting, I hear this, "So, I can't beleive that Red Bull isn't red!". It's also not made of Bulls but that seemed of little concern to you, did it?!?! I was pretty sure my ears were going to start bleeding.
Now for serious talk. If you don't care about the inner workings of my life, feel free to skip this paragraph. One: I'm getting the distinct feeling that I'm being ex-ed out by certain people. I don't really care all that much because it makes any potential exodus I may make much easier but I'm failing to see a reasoning for it, which is what concerned me. Am I being ex-ed out on a set of false assumptions or have I done something to offend that I am unaware of. I've never been subject of such a bitch-move before. Two: I haven't been sleeping well these past few weeks. I can't come up with any reasoning for this. My sleep habits had been getting gradually better. I was also informed that my "Weird Factor" as it's elegantly called by Nomi, could be directly related to my sleep patterns. Now this brings up a whole new line of questioning. If my sleep patterns change, will my personality change. Will I like the new me I'll become without much choice or do I chose to continue as I am in hopes of retaining who I am. What to do? And so on and so forth. Three. As many of you know, I've had a theory these past few months that has been harping at me for some time. I have a feeling we're going to find out that I'm not just imagining it in the next few months. Now, moving along.
Sunday morning, I had the distinct impression that someone had killed me during my brief sleep. I woke up to find that I couldn't feel most of my body and then went on to discover that my head was turned 100ish degrees. I didn't know my head could do that. It hurt. It still hurts.
It occurred to me this weekend, I never threw my Socks Party or my Challenge Day or did the Qlympics thing or use my Wonderland Season Pass even once [I haven't even gotten the ID made. Maybe I should just sell it off, no?]. I'm depressed now. I'm going to go get an everything bagel with garlic cream cheese and a Vanilla parfait.
Be good.
zQ
p.s. If you have any of my books/comics/movies/clothes/etc, I'd like them back please.
July 7, 2008
115th - The sleeping
I returned from a week in Tennessee. It was loads of fun. There are a ton of pictures. However, my camera went in my bag and pretty much stayed there for most of the trip minus three occasions, all of which were while driving. I thought I'd share some of those with you.
photo [below] - this is about three hours into our drive to Tennessee. Asmar [sleeping] drove the first part of the 12ish hour drive.
photo [below] - Junaid hit this position as we were backing out of the driveway. He didn't change position for hours.
photo [below] - a little while later.
photo [below] - eventually, the other two got tired too.
photo [below] - Revenge is sweet.
For some reason there are no photos of me sleeping or Haider sleeping or Momin sleeping. There's no good reason for this. Momin's got a good reason because he was awake for all of it, but I know I was asleep in an awkward position in the front seat. My neck keeps reminding me. ust nobody thought to take any photos of it. Teehee.
Had a couple pretty messed up dreams - the contents are unimportant but one of them ended in me running back to my car saying, "Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit..."
In the past week, I've eaten so much junk, it's insane. I solemly swear that from this day on, for the next few weeks at least, not to eat at McDonalds. No part of my body is thrilled about that. But yea, so much junk. Ooo, also, there's a sub place named Charley's which was realy good. Pity, I only got to eat there once, but that was good eating - Hey, I just found more photos on my phone. Let's see if any are worth posting. . . there are some photos in there worth posting but now I'm feeling lazy. So, that'll happen some other time.
zQ
photo [below] - this is about three hours into our drive to Tennessee. Asmar [sleeping] drove the first part of the 12ish hour drive.
photo [below] - Junaid hit this position as we were backing out of the driveway. He didn't change position for hours.
photo [below] - a little while later.
photo [below] - eventually, the other two got tired too.
photo [below] - Revenge is sweet.
For some reason there are no photos of me sleeping or Haider sleeping or Momin sleeping. There's no good reason for this. Momin's got a good reason because he was awake for all of it, but I know I was asleep in an awkward position in the front seat. My neck keeps reminding me. ust nobody thought to take any photos of it. Teehee.
Had a couple pretty messed up dreams - the contents are unimportant but one of them ended in me running back to my car saying, "Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit..."
In the past week, I've eaten so much junk, it's insane. I solemly swear that from this day on, for the next few weeks at least, not to eat at McDonalds. No part of my body is thrilled about that. But yea, so much junk. Ooo, also, there's a sub place named Charley's which was realy good. Pity, I only got to eat there once, but that was good eating - Hey, I just found more photos on my phone. Let's see if any are worth posting. . . there are some photos in there worth posting but now I'm feeling lazy. So, that'll happen some other time.
zQ
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